Top 10 Transformers

There’s just enough articles about Transformers up on this webpage we all know and love as thePS. I for one think that is a terrible shame, if not a tragedy, I say we tar, feather, and hang whoever or WHOMever is responsible for this horribleness. I just hope and pray we find the fiend someday. Oh well - for now, all I can do is pay a humble tribute to the transformers, by presenting to you, the top 10 Transformers of all time (but mostly of G1, cuz it was the best of the whole series of serieseses). By the way - if yer saying, “Oh man - 2 top ten’s in a row! What a gyp!” First I say to you, it’s free, and it’s thePS - not too much is expected from either. Secondly, top 10s are easy, and I am lazy. With a winning review like that, how can you not continue? Eh? Eh?

10. Ultra Magnus:

I never really even liked Ultra Magnus all that much. He’s pretty much just the poor man’s Optimus - but then, even the poor man’s Optimus must still be pretty good to even get the comparison. The coolest thing about Magnus is that he is voiced by Robert Stack (of Unsolved Mysteries fame), and that he’s not afraid to swear in a children’s movie, if he can do so through a robot-transfer truck.

9. Dinobot:

The only non-G1 Transformer to make our list. He’s a pretty cool character actually (mostly because he was like a Autobot - though originally Decepticon - version of Starscream). However, he gets major points taken away because he was on Beast Wars, and I have issues with that show. However, he gets SOME bonus for being a vicious raptor most of the time. That is pretty cool afterall.

8. Galvatron:

Again, a character who is cool based on his voice-acting, we find Galvatron, as performed by Leonard Nimoy (of Star Trek, Searching for Bigfoot, and writing ballads for Bilbo Baggins fame). He’s a kickass version of Megatron, which is pretty damn kickass actually. When he first showed up, he just killed outright the guy who was in charge and took his place. Unfortunately for the rest of us, it was Starscream who was killed. While it was pretty cool, he killed Starscream! Thus, he remains at #8.

7. Metroplex:

The robot that could turn into a friggin’ city. Dude was huge and could thusly stomp a mudhole into pretty much anyone. Well, anyone but...

6. Trypticon:

The robot that could turn into a friggin’ city AND a dinosaur! Dude was huge, and had big pointy teeth, and could thusly stomp a mudhole into pretty much anyone. Well, anyone but...

5. Unicron:

The robot that could turn into a goddamn planet! And then ATE other damn planets! My god that is something. It took pretty much every Autobot, a few Decepticons, a couple of non- affiliated-bots, and the power of the touch to take this guy down! Also, he has one of the biggest damn Transformer toys I’ve ever seen! Plus, he makes me say “damn” a whole damn lot! PLUS - cool voice actor! Orson friggin’ Wells! Dude! Damn! Scares the HELL outta me this guy does!

4. Grimlock:

Originally, Grimlock was gonna be #5, but that whole 7-5 thing worked so well, I decided to go with that. I’d say Grim is deserving of a promotion anyways. He’s got points for turning into a dinosaur (as we’ve already established, that makes anyone a winner!). He served as comic relief a lot of the time, which is pretty fun, and he, as well as all the Dinobots (not #9, the ACTUAL dinobots), had a really cool backstory/intro/everything. It was always a highlight whenever the Autobots called these guys in. Also, these guys had some wicked toys.

3. Soundwave:

A favorite among all G1 fans is Soundwave. The evil version of Blaster, Soundwave just came off as being so much cooler for some reason. Perhaps it’s the fact that he basically has the same head as Optimus, only with cool shades. Maybe it’s the fact that, despite the fact that 98% of all the characters on the show were robots, he’s the only one with the “robot voice.” It could also be the fact that tinier, also kickass robots jumped/flew out of his chest at will. Either way - Soundwave is rad. He turns into a ghetto-blaster! Dude knows how to rock!

2. Optimus Prime:

No one on earth can say that they do not like Optimus Prime. He’s one of the greatest heroes of all time. What makes him so good? Well, sure - he does good things, stops the badguys, etc. The difference between Optimus and most other heroes, is that Optimus isn’t afraid to finish the job. He’ll easily take a life, but only if the opponent is a real jerk or something. Optimus has returned from the grave at least twice that I know about, and has one of the best fight-intros of all time. Picture a big red mack-truck coming at you at 175km/h; suddenly, it goes off a jump, and goes into the glaring sunlight; blinded, you look at the ground, til you hear a loud crash. You look up, slowly and with much awe, to the semi-crouched figure of the 50 foot Optimus Prime, holding a gun that is twice yer height. He did a couple of flips too, but you were too busy looking at the ground. And soiling yerself. That’s Prime.

1. Starscream:

If yer looking for genuine “character depth” perhaps the best example in all of Transformers history would be G1 Starscream. He was basically the sniveling right-hand-man to Megatron, but he knew (and often proclaimed publicly) that he should be the #1 Decepticon. In my mind - as well as the minds of thousands of nerds who know what I’m talking about - he should have been just that. Megatron was just a useless gun when he transformed, and who wielded him? Starscream! That’s right! Without him, Megatron would have got sold at a flea market in Florida. He also provided lots of comic relief, either in his complaining that he should be in charge to the point of whining (whining from a giant robot that just turned into a plane is pretty funny if you think about it), or when one of his plans either backfired, or downright failed. He was smarter than Megatron, maybe even smarter than Optimus, but still - he wasn’t really all THAT smart. And when he screwed up, he screwed up BIG. HE had a really abrupt, yet also really cool death. And, much like Optimus, Starscream has returned from the grave at least twice. Megatron just did it once! And he had to change his name! Wussy. I’d vote for Starscream any day.

Well, that’s it for this list. I’d say it turned out pretty well, though most of you probably already knew the top 10 if you’ve ever talked Transformers with me. Ah well. That’s all for now. Transform and roll out. Cheesy/expected endings are always fun! Wee!