Top 13 Ghosts of Entertainment

The first Halloween article of the season is always a special moment. Excuse me if I get a bit misty-eyed.

Nothing makes a good scary-story better than a ghost or two. And this isn’t a modern thing at all! Ghosts aren’t dudes running around with chainsaws (a relatively new concept... very few of them in the medieval world for some reason... I guess they didn’t see the potential of a guy with a chainsaw). But, there have pretty much always been ghosts. They just spell entertainment. Some are scary, some aren’t, but all are treasures. Therefore I give you the top 13 ghosts (yet with no affiliation to “the 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo”) of entertainment! Some of the entries aren’t even real ghosts. They’re just fun, and are essential to be “ghosts.” Wait til you get to #9 to see what I mean.

13. Nearly-Headless Nick:
From the Harry Potter series, Nearly-Headless Nick is usually a fan favorite. I’m actually not too crazy about Nick in the stories - there are a few ghosts with slightly better stories in there. However, in the movies he’s played by John Cleese, and is made a lot better than the others. That’s how he made it onto the list. Plus, his name is pretty clever.
12. Ghost Rider:
I’ve never really been a fan of Ghost Rider. Everything I’ve seen about the upcoming movie has looked pretty awful (yet I’ll still probably go see it!). There’s really only one reason Ghost Rider is on this list: he’s a big biker dude with a flaming motorbike, and a flaming skull for a head. In terms of image, Ghost Rider would be much higher on the list. The fact that he doesn’t really have a whole lot else going on for him makes him #12. Also, he's in the sky.

11. Space Ghost:
Though not a true ghost in any sense, Space Ghost is still pretty awesome. I’d say number 12 and 11 in this list could be interchangeable, but Space Ghost got the head(er) spot because he had Zorak and Brak. Plus a lot of his interviews are actually pretty funny.

10. The Flying Dutchman:
From Spongebob Squarepants, the Flying Dutchman is the typical pirate-ghost only retarded. He can actually be pretty frightening (in the sense that the show is about a yellow, smiley sponge made for 5 year olds and he often has fangs and threatens to eat people). Mostly he’s awesome because he’s voiced by Brian Doyle-Murray (dude from Caddyshack and Wayne’s World), doing a pirate voice. Scary!

9. Charlie Brown’s Costume:
Another “not-true” ghost at all. In any way. Not even close. He’s a kid in a sheet. Yet, as soon as I got the idea for this list, Charlie Brown in his lame ghost-full-of-holes costume is the first thing that popped into my head. He would have done a lot better if he was a real ghost, but considering he beat out a few real ghosts on a list of wicked ghosts, I’ll say ol’ Chuck did a good job. Plus I think his costume was better than Lucy’s anyways. I mean c’mon - a witch mask with a ghost body? What is that crap, Lucy. Don’t cast stones when you live in a shittier costume.

8. Ghost Dad:
Ghost Dad -
He reaches through phones -
He scares old people at the hospital -
He scares cabbies -
He knows a guy named Edith -
Ghost Dad.

7. Boo-Berry:
Definitely the most delicious entry in this list of 13 ghosts would be Boo Berry, the General Mills ghostly version of their own Count Chocula. I’m not actually sure which cereal came first of them, but whatever. Boo Berry is awesome. The reason? He wears a straw carnival-style hat, and looks kinda tipsy. I dunno why. I think his boo berries have fermented. He kinda reminds me of Huckleberry Hound. Same hat, same expression, same color. Hell, even their names sound kinda the same! I think I just stumbled onto something HUGE.

6. Banquo’s Ghost:
A genuinely frightening apparition, and the oldest entry in this article is Banquo’s ghost from Macbeth (Shakespeare was an Early-Modern Stephen King... he also had a play about a horse and buggy that tried to kill people and could drive on its own). Banquo’s ghost was pretty damn freaky. Covered in blood (from all his stabbing) and all he does is point and glare. And I’m not talking about glaring like staring. I’m talking glaring like actually trying to burn holes from the fires of hell into Macbeth. Creepy.

5. The Ghost of Obi-Wan:
A nice ghost - the ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Really, this slot goes to the ghosts of Yoda, and the ghost of OT Anakin, but Obi-Wan is the ring-leader (even though Yoda is the leader leader). They changed the look of him quite a few times, but my favorite is always classic blue- and-kinda-transparent. Good ol’ Obi-Wan. He totally got more powerful than I could possibly imagine.

4. The Headless Horseman:
Another horrifying entry (see?! some of these guys are actually scary) is this guy. The good thing about the Headless Horseman is that he actually kills people. He’s not there to scare you. Well, he is - but he also wants to cut yer head off. It’s what he does. Plus, I’ve never seen a version of this guy that didn’t look completely awesome. Christopher Walken, the Disney version, the biker dude from that one episode of Ghostbusters. They’re all pretty scary, and they ALL have that cackle-ish laugh, despite the fact that they have no heads. I’d like to see you pull that off. Plus, he throws pumpkins with amazing accuracy for a dude with no eyes, and his horse is also very cool. Don’t mess with him. Seriously. If the time comes up where you think “I’m gonna mess with the Headless Horseman,” just don’t. It’s easier/less messy.

Oh my ghost! There’s a freakin’ tie!

2. Beetlejuice:
The ghost with the most takes our first #2 spot. Beetlejuice pretty much has it all. He can be scary (ya know... again, it’s cartoon scary, but Charles was always pretty scared), he can be funny, he can turn into all kinds of different crap, etc. He actually IS the ghost with the most. I must admit, I liked the cartoon version a lot more than the movie version. Granted, the cartoon version was just a dumbed down version of the movie one, but he had more appeal to children (which I was when both came out). The movie Beetlejuice was creepy, and gross, and obsessed with sex. The cartoon version was creepy, and gross, and obsessed with turning into play-on word responses and puns. He probably would have had the #1 slot, if it weren’t filled by the scariest damn ghost ever. But, you’ll have to wait and see. It’s only 2 away - be patient!

2. Slimer:
Our second #2 is the Ghostbusters’ Slimer. Unlike Beetlejuice, Slimer doesn’t really have a whole lot going on for him. He’s fat, he can’t really talk (he can speak gibberish pretty good that sometimes the Ghostbusters can understand, and other times they can’t), and he can’t really turn into too much. That aside, he slimed Peter Venkman leaving Peter a gross mess who looked so sad and pissed at the same time. Anyone who can get the best of Peter Venkman deserves to be #2.

1. The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come:
Yes, our #1 ghost for this Halloween article is a Christmas ghost. But seriously, I can’t think of a ghost that is more horrifying than the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come (or Ghost of Christmas Future as he’s commonly known). Like Banquo, all he does is point, but unlike Banquo, you can’t tell if he’s glaring or not, because he looks like death but without a face. Just a blank hood of scariness. Plus, generally he’s gigantic. It never really says he HAS to be huge (Ghost of Christmas Present? Yeah, he has to be huge... it says so right in the text) but they make him huge every time anyways. And why do they do that? Because he friggin’ deserves it, that’s why! Hell, even in “Mickey’s Christmas Carol” the Pete version of this ghost is scary (and gives the ghost the one line I’ve ever heard him say in any version). This guy made Captain Picard crumble - he HAS to be good. And by good, I mean scary. Or possibly Borg.

So there you have it - the top 13 ghosts. Some scary - some not. However, all are essential to the ghostly world. I know the ghostly world too. How do I know the ghostly world, you ask? Because...

I AM A GHOST, DAMMIT! BOO!!!