Hotel Bathrooms of the UK and Ireland

I recently ventured with my family to the United Kingdom (ie: England, Scotland, N. Ireland, and Wales) and Ireland (ie: Ireland) to see the sites and annoy Europeans. I took my camera with me for several reasons. 1. Europe has neater crap than we do here (not that the 7 Mile Bridge ain’t spectacular...); and 2. I knew I’d do an article on something there... but what? I thought about it before I left, on the way there, and once we got there I still had nothing. Venturing to the bathroom in the hotel we stayed in, I noticed something very peculiar... the bathroom was NOT like the hotel bathrooms of Canada. Heck, I hadn’t even seen these in the states! But could I do a whole pictorial article on European hotel bathrooms? Well, that’s what we’re gonna find out! Let’s go! Wee!


This odd faucet can be found in London England at the Chelsea Village Hotel. It actually looks pretty standard, except the two knobs are NOT the standard “hot” and “cold” - oh lord no. The one on the left is for temperature (both hot and cold, with the exact temperature written right on it!) and the one on the right is for water pressure. Now, the second knob, I’d say is fairly useless, as I can’t picture anyone saying, “Ya know, I want to take a really weak shower with just a trickle of water.” No, people want the full blast of water! Euro-water! I’ve been told since I got back, that this thing isn’t special, but it was the first time I ever saw one, so there. Plus, I have nothing really else to write about... yes.


This here thing was in the same bathroom. It’s a blow-dryer built into the wall. I thought that was pretty neat. Also, I tried to get an extreme close-up shot, as the little man on the “shaver” thing (so you an use your American pig-dog electric razors) looked exactly like our very own Pete, the pirate of pudding. Go figure - Pete may be British. He’ll hate that.


Leaving London, but not yet England, our next hotel bathroom is in York - a city with a fort and whatnot. That’s not important. The important thing here is right above. Again, we see the 2- knob shower (exact same as the one in London) but, if you look up and to the right, you can see the true highlight of this shower - it comes with free mutagen... the stuff from Ninja Turtles. There was a fly in the bathroom when I went to get my shower, so I avoided that stuff... no way was I gonna end up like Baxter Stockman.


Just in case you DID get too close to the mutagen in the shower, and yer arm ended up all deformed, the sink was made just for you. For some odd reason the faucet was mounted on the right hand side of the sink, and only spit out a trickle of water. Not without pressure - just it was like a water gun - a very thin stream. I hated this sink, and the filthy mutants that were forced to use it.


The hotel we stayed in in Glascow Scotland wins 2 awards. 1 for having the nicest hotel bathroom (and all around room, but that’s not important here!) on earth, and 2. For having the world’s most complicated shower (as seen above). Yes, there’s 3 knobs, not including one that can’t really be seen on the tub faucet. It took me about 15 minutes to figure this thing out. Turns out the bottom knob (despite there being another knob attached to it) is just for the tub - the top one is for the shower. The middle one, again, is for the pressure. Scotland needed more than the English... they hate one another so bad!


Yep, this bathroom also had a phone and not one, but two rolls of toilet paper, ready for yer use. My mom kept calling them “his and hers,” but I was more so thinking they were for those mutants from York. They have short little arms on the left, and can’t reach the upper roll, so the hotel was nice enough to give them their own roll. It’s also nice, cuz I am NOT sharing toilet paper with any stinking mutants!


This thing is ALL the toiletries for the bathroom in Scotland. Soap, shampoo, body-wash, and remarkably SHOWER CAPS, all shoved into little glass canisters and put in this delightful designer rack. These people were out to impress. But, the most impressive thing is yet to come...

Upon taking these pictures, I closed the door to get a good shot of those toiletries. Then I heard voices, which kinda scared me, as I have seen to many episodes of Scooby-Doo to think anything but “Headless Hotel Haunters” or some other ghoulish alliteration. I then realized that it was just the TV... but I didn’t leave the TV up that loud, did I? This required some detective work. Eventually, I found this under the sink...

Yes! They put a speaker under the damn sink in the bathroom! So you wouldn’t miss anything when yer using the facilities. That’s classy. It was rigged up right to the TV/radio, and this blew my mind even more than having mutagen in the showers. If that hotel in York had this, I coulda forgiven them.


The hotel in Dublin had a pretty standard bathroom... which in itself was pretty weird. I coulda sworn I was bathing back home. But no - the water was green, and a leprechaun get jabbing me with his cane every time I reached for the shampoo. I was in Ireland alright.


We find the “one knob for heat, the other for pressure” system again in Waterford, Ireland, only this time it’s a little different. The knobs aren’t really attached, except by that plate thing behind them. Also, if you look under the knobs, you’ll see a little sign. It read, and I quote: “IF YOU REQUIRE A BATHMAT, PLEASE ASK AT RECEPTION.” This was a surprisingly common trait among non-English bathrooms in the UK. They must only have a few bathmats, and they guard them with their lives.


The shower in Wales is almost identical, except it doesn’t have nice marble around it, and it has a moldy sideways cross in it. Sideways Jesus loves mold.


After Wales, it was back to London to the wonderful Chelsea Village Hotel. Above is a better shot of this bathroom. It’s weird - after all the bathrooms I was in during my 10 day trek, once I got back to this shower I found so nice when I first got there, it took me a while to remember how to work it. Damn you complicated European showers! That’s why Canada became it’s own country. Also, you’ll notice just right of center, there’s the handle for the toilet... for some odd reason, it’s in the shower. Oh, those crazy Brits.

Well, that’s pretty much my whole trip. I hope you enjoyed it. Sure, I did more things, but this was really the only thing that had a continuity to it that wasn’t standard fair like castles, or cathedrals or something good. No... I went with... hotel bathrooms... what the hell is wrong with me? I wasn’t a lot of money with this one folks. A lot of money. Oh well, I also got some wicked chips, and a can of pop with Beckham on it! That makes it totally worth while!