A Scientific Quandary: What the Hell is the Grimace, Anyways?

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The question of what the hell the famous McDonald’s mascot’s sidekick, the Grimace, actually might be is one that man has pondered for decades. I mean, really… what is he?

McDonald’s has numerous other characters that are associated with some part of a child’s experience of a McDonald’s “restaurant” such as:
Ronald McDonald: popular spokes-clown. He represents fun and the damn place itself.
The Hamburgaler: popular thief. He represents the fact that McDonald’s food is worth committing crimes over.
Birdie: a bird with goggles. She represents adventure.
Mayor McCheese and Chief O’Patty: burger-headed authority figures. They represent… well… the burgers.

-"Do you even remember who I am?
If you do, eat my head!"


Then there’s the fry guys and the talking nuggets and all that crap, but they are pretty obvious. But where does a big, naked, purple fat guy fit into the mix? That’s what we’re here to find out! There are a number of theories! Let’s take a look!

Theory #1: He’s supposed to represent some kind of food. In theory, he does kinda look like a really poorly made piece of blueberry pie or something. But McDonald’s has apple-pie (or at least, that’s’ all they had back when Grimace first came into existence) so, I guess you can scratch that idea.

Theory #2: He’s a warning to children. Sure, that makes sense. “Look kids, Ronald ate too many burgers and, lets call them ‘milkshakes’ and now look at him! He’s talking to a big rancid food-induced hallucination! Don’t do that kids!”

Hmm… but I cant’ see that being very good for business. Let’s skip this one too.

Theory #3: He’s designed to be simple. Little kids like to draw things, and Ronald and Hamburgaler are far to complicated for them to grasp and put on paper, so why not let them draw a purple triangle with eyes and feet. Works for me. No, wait. If that were true, then that would mean that McDonald’s didn’t want to sell toys with their character’s likeness. Moving on…

Theory #4: He’s Politically Correct. Girls can relate to Birdie, boys to Mayor McCheese, clowns to Ronald - but what about eunuchs (thanks Alicia. That was the word I was looking for. Salute!) and genderly-confused children? Let’s give them a unisex purple lump! The Grimace will be the voice of the genderless generation! (sadly, this one actually has no real arguments against it…)

Theory #5: Comes from X-Entertainment.com. “… he's just a big lump of fuzzy crap who isn't even important enough to represent one of McDonald's popular foods.”
Okay, so that’s not so much a “theory” as to what Grimace is, but it’s pretty damn funny.

Theory #6: He’s some kind of walrus-like creature. Care to explain that one Matty?

Theory #7: He’s just the Grimace, Dammit! I think maybe that says it all. Maybe the Grimace doesn’t really have to be anything. I mean, he still seems to make kids (and even grown up kids, as seen in the picture below) happy, and isn’t that really enough? I mean, I remember all those old McDonald’s commercials, and Grimace was a crucial part of them all. He was a crucial part of childhood. I mean, can you really think of the big purple fuzzy guy without cracking a smile? I know I can’t.

(a weird female Hamburgaler(??); Erin Q. Gillis; the Grimace.)

So, in summary, the Grimace is the Grimace. And, according to the good people of Clerks: Uncensored, “Nothing can kill the Grimace.” Well, I for one consider that to be a good thing. Thank you.