Nerdy Adventures in Halifax: Day 3 As our time grew shorter, our trip was beginning to draw to a close, and soon we would depart Halifax (where the streets are paved with gold) and return to the home of our hearts, Cape Breton (where the streets are hardly paved at all). But, we wouldn’t be returning just like that - oh no! We still had a few more adventures left up our nerdy and now very tired sleeves. And so we began Day 3 of our voyage. In some way, I think we knew that it would be our last. Mostly because we all planned on being home that night, and had work in the morning. Funny how things work out sometimes. Mysteries of the universe and whatnot. Oh well. Let’s see what crazy crap we got into on this day!

The motel in which we were staying was run by a couple of old people. This was made very evident by the very strange signs they had posted in the bathrooms of the place. Well, we assume they were in each bathroom, and not just ours. Though, I wouldn’t put it past them. Old people hate us. That one up there says, and I quote: “Dear Guest, To help save our facecloths please use this towel to remove your makeup. Thank you, Management. PS - It is also good to clean your shoes, windshield, luggage etc.” This would be amusing enugh - getting cleaning tips from the staff - but the best part was that the “towel” referred to was of the paper variety. I believe it was Bounty. The quicker picker-upper.

This sign which was greatly connected to that last one reads: ”PLEASE, we would appreciate it very much if our TOWELS are not used to clean cars or shoes...” I never had the urge to clean a car with a bath-towel, but at this point I really wanted to.

And now it’s time to say our goodbyes. Goodbye Esquire Motel. You truly were just a nice place to stay. I suppose. In a way. And by “a” I mean “one.”

Good bye Clearwater lobster place located next door to the motel. Perhaps you are responsible for the smell. It may have just been the reek of Bedford, but who’s to say. Oh bam, take that Bedford.

After getting our goodbyes out of the way, and after many tears were wept, we headed down to the Halifax waterfront (aka a boardwalk) to see what kinda things we could see. And oh the things that we did see!

Yes, they had a display, on the boardwalk, giving away samples of butter. I didn’t even dare to get one, as it was a very bizarre idea. Far to bizarre to write more than 1 short paragraph about.

This is chalk-artwork down right on the cement at the boardwalk. The same guy was in Sydney last year and did an awesome Justice League, that I only got to see after it was half-faded. This time I got to see not only a freshly finished Batman portrait, but I work-in-progress Spiderman. I’m not usually big on Spiderman, but a commercial for a new Spidey video game gave me a new respect for him. Either way, the chalk stuff was really cool to see.

This is the greatest picture I ever took. Yes, that IS a tiny pirate ship. Yes, that IS an actual pirate. And yes, he IS juggling with a running chainsaw. I really wish I could say that I made this one up, but alas, it actually happened. Right there in front of us. You had to see it to believe it. He had ribs tattooed over his ribs. That’s just cool. It would have been even more enjoyable except for one small thing...

Seems Harrison got a little too close to the juggling pirate, and the chainsaw slipped, and... well, there was an accident. Already short half a finger, he was now also missing his whole left hand. The evil one. Much bleeding occurred, yet oddly, no one even thought to take him to the hospital. His emergency just wasn’t “adult” enough.

After some clotting happened, we hit the road for our final Hali-meal, to take place at Matty’s food-place of choice, Jack Astor’s. However, before we could go in, we had to do one final pose, for the sake of continuity. Dan was a bit tired, so he just sat, and Cabumbo and Selleck were kinda lazy too, so they just did the same pose. Harrison was a bit woozy after all the blood came out, so he just vomited for a while.

From what I could tell of the inside, Jack Astor’s was pretty similar to any restaurant of it’s kind. Kinda like East Side Mario’s, only instead of Italian/NY stuff, there were jokes and Far Side comics. The big awesome of this place was that you could/were expected to write on the table cloth. So we did!

Each of us signed our autograph (thus increasing the value of the restaurant) and put our trademark catch phrases... except Handsome Dan, who didn’t have one... and Selleck just wrote what he ordered. Oh that Selleck - will he ever learn?

After eating it was just a matter of getting all the stuff done that we had to before we headed back home. So, it was back to the downtown/Dartmouth area, where we followed this car... The license plate said “Nikstoy” which we were trying to figure out for a while. I was convinced that the guy was Russian, and that was his last name. However, soon it became evident that it was “Nik’s toy” based on that pink inflatable mallet that kept shooting out the window. Some one likes Mario Kart a little too much. As if that were possible...

Ah, Chapters - one of my new favorite places on earth. After going there like 15 times over the weekend, this would sadly be our last. We really need one of these down here, just so I could go there once before it went out of business. Goodbye, old friend. Er... new friend. Er... Chapters.

On the way home, we had to stop for gas. I’m sure he didn’t want us to know about this, but it turns out that Handsome Dan actually worked at this gas station. I think it was a poor choice to go there if he was trying to hide it. I guess that explains what he’s been doing since “Becker” though.

I made a request when this plan was first... planned that we stop at some point of the drive at Mastodon Ridge. I’d never been there, and I was sure it would be adventuresome. I would not be disappointed either.

For those who don’t know, Mastodon Ridge is a place on the way from CB to Halifax (or vice versa) where they have a bunch of shops, mini-golf, 2 gas stations, and a giant model of a Mastodon. That last one is what makes it special. I’m sure there’s some reason for it to be there, but I really have no idea what it is. *shrug* So instead, we just took pictures.

In case you couldn’t tell, that’s the big model of the Mastodon. I guess Harrison was feeling kinda artsy when he took it, cuz that’s a fairly odd angle. Or, he may have gone blind due to blood loss. I dunno.

Speaking of blood loss.....

There were dinosaurs in the information center! No one even kinda expected that! I was just going into to see if there was an ATM and then BAM! Dinosaurs. Cabumbo and Harrison thought they were just models, but they were fairly wrong. Fortunately, Harrison didn’t put his hand/nub in the dino’s mouth, and remained unharmed. Unfortunately, Cabumbo did the exact opposite. And Harrison just got covered in more blood. Strangely, Cabumbo remained unharmed. What a weird species of dinosaur.

At some point on the ride from the Ridge to CB, Selleck and Cabumbo actually died. We’re still not exactly sure how/why, but that’s what happened. Harrison was kinda grossed out, but I think he may have just been thinking about all the blood that got all over him over the course of the weekend, and not so much the 2 corpses he was sitting with. He’s an odd duck, that one.

Then finally the survivors saw the sign that truly signaled the end of our trip. We were back in CB, and we were now a bit more mature than when we left. No wait... no, we weren’t. Nevermind that. We were back home, and that’s all. Probably came back worse. Sorry.

And now, it’s time to show off the swag! This is just the crap that I bought. Much more crap was bought by others, but I’ll let them talk about it on their damn blogs or whatever. Wussies. Anyways - I lettered everything, so it’d be easier to identify. Here goes:

a. A really awesome Doctor Doom figure. He comes with a throne and everything. And an extra hand. Old-school Doom at that. The good one. Not the damn movie one that I hate.
b. On a Pale Horse. My all time favorite book. I wanted it for many years, and now thanks to my new friend Chapters, I own it.
c. Stickleback. A weird comic I got for free when I bought d.
d. Batman: the Long Halloween. The whole series. Good read - it has pretty much all the villains you’d want to see.
e. America (the book). Oh Jon Stewart, you mad-genius, you.
f. Neverwhere. A book by Neil Gaiman, of “Sandman” fame. Good novelist too.
g. The Salmon of Doubt. Douglas Adams kicks ass. I dare you to disagree. It will lead to fisticuffs.
h. The Batman Handbook. Probably the best purchase of the trip, I can now read this book and learn how to be Batman... which I already am. Yes.
i. Dice. Lots of dice. They’re pretty?

And that’s the whole damn trip, all wrapped up into a neat little package. I hope you enjoyed wasting yer time reading it, and/or going on the actual trip. Maybe it’ll happen again some time. At which point, I will look at the bathrooms of Halifax and make fun of them. But for now, thsi is way too frigging long.

PS - Beaten hookers.