The Characters of "The Kids in the Hall"
Nothing has ever inspired me more to write and to act more than the program/comedy troupe "the Kids in the Hall." Possibly one of the best comedy groups ever made (and easily the best in Canada - and that says alot considering Corky and the Juice Pigs and 4 on the Floor) Dave Foley, Kevin MacDonald, Bruce McCullough, Mark McKinney, and Scott Thompson gave us over 5 years of some of the best/funniest television ever seen.
The tv show "The Kids in the Hall" first appeared on CBC in 1989 (which is actually when I got hooked by it). Their characters which never ceased to please were the field of recurring characters. Here now is a list of some of the best recurring characters/sketches on the show:
The Pit of Ultimate Darkness: this sketch was a gothic-based tv show hosted by Sir Simon Milligan (Kevin MacDonald) and his sidekick, the spawn of Satan, man-servant Hecubis (Dave Foley). The entire purpose of the sketch was for Sir Simon to prove to the world how evil both he and Hecubis were even though most of their efforts were in vain. Although, Hecubis was always very "evil" to Simon (for example "hypnotizing" him with actual drugs and forcing him to admit that he would rather be a dentist, "'cause they got it all figured out, man!") Evil!
Quotes:
"Hecubus, you broke my crow. I won this at a high school dance. You're fired!"
spinning newspaper headline: "Simon Fires Hecubus in Fit of Rage" 2nd spinning headline: "Simon to Audition New Hecubus in Fit of Rage" 3rd spinning headline: "Simon Eats Soup in Fit of Rage"
"For those of you without a brave heart, get up, go to your television sets and turn the station. Go ahead, exercise your right to be a coward. Now, for those of you with a brave heart and for those of you who have stayed, look into my face and know, to look into my face is to look into the face..of EVIL! Yes, I am a man possessed by many demons. Polite demons that would open the door for a lady carrying too many parcels, but demons nonetheless!"
Gavin: played by Bruce McCullough was, essentially a boy-idiot, but not really. He was pretty much like any 5-8 year old who has an incredible amount of knowledge in absolutely irrelevant, useless subjects. He didn't really seem to have a goal - he mostly wanted to get attention I'd imagine what with his dad being in jail and his mom being a picture. Possibly the funniest part of Gavin (if not the dialogue) was the costume: incredibly think lensed glasses, a Zelda hat, and bookbag (which he wore constantly, even at his mom's funeral.
Quotes:
"Now, if my head were veal, which I know it is not, if my head were veal, how much would it be worth?"
"Mosquitoes live for only one day, you know, so if they skip breakfast, I guess they had a bad childhood."
"I have read, that if you were to melt people down and sell their component parts, they'd only be worth 87 cents. That's gotta be a pretty weird store, though."
"OK, I'll eat your Bible. But it'll cost you a lot and take me several days of lunching and snacking."
"Mom, in France, kids are drunk."
The Axe Murderer: this character is so brilliant because it is so simple. Dave Foley is an axe murderer who is incredibly polite, yet horribly brutal (I mean.. he does butcher people with an axe!) He's basically played as a regular guy who happens to have the job of axe murderer, because it's a regular job that needs to be done. His catch phrase "chop, chop!" said happily everytime is incredibly cheesy, yet for some odd reason, hilarious.
Quotes:
"The Dumonds yes. Thank you. And well I guess I was chopping them up and I guess I, I've, I've pulled back too quickly and the head flew off my axe and it smashed through the window and I, I dyeah-- I don't know why I'm telling you all this."
"My line I hardly ever get out. [shouting] See I'm an axe murderer. So I usually work indoors.. you know.. privacy and all... Yeah. I mean beautiful day like today and I'm stuck inside y'know just choppin up this couple [makes chopping motion]. I mean a nice young couple! Uhh, he's a cable installer, and she's a dentist. There aren't a lot of women dentists. I don't know why that is. Gee I guess there's one fewer now, huh?"
Buddy Cole: the Canadian-Gay bartender (proud of each aspect i assure you) played by Scott Thompson (the Canadian-Gay comedian). Every one of his sketches is simply a monologue (usually about Gaylife) as told from his bar. Well, actually, the stories start off as something topical, and then go off on tangents about how they involved/affected him. He's not really a great character, but alot of his lines are great because they're so bloody blunt!
Quotes:
"And get this--the new owner is going to turn it into a straight bar...with strippers. And! he's a fag! Never let them get behind you."
"And speaking financially "Buddy's" was a complete disaster from the get-go. I made more money in prison as a cigarette girl."
A.T. & Love: the main company used in a lto of sketches on the show, it was run by "Boss" (Dave Foley - probably mine and Mat's favorite impression to do). The star employee was Danny Husk (Scott Thompson). The sketches revolved mostly around these 2, and the insane things that the boss would make Danny do (afterall, he was the boss). Some events involved making Danny re-start hsi career in porn, marketing a perfume that came out of Danny's armpit, and of course, my all tiem favorite sketch, the brown stuff...
Quotes:
Dave: "I need a little bit of advice if you don't mind because um... well, cause lately.. um.. because.. brown stuff has started coming out of my mouth. [starts laughing] And you know...."
Dave: "So it's a.. it's a... well.... in no way... poo based?"
Scott: "I have a lovely wife and two lovely children. Though I haven't seen the kids very much lately so I assume they've grown up and moved out."
Scott: "If you don't mind, can I have some of that brown stuff in a cup? I think my wife might get a kick out of it."
Bellini: the thing with Bellini is that he has no purpose. He's not really one of the Kids in the Hall... he's actually Paul Bellini, in nothing but a towel who marches around to polka music. Most of the "contests" on the show involved meeting him and/or poking him. Its' quite the brilliant idea!
Mississippi Gary: the old blues singer, as played by Mark McKinney. Most of his sketches are just him sitting in a bar, telling a story and then singing a song to end the story. Occasionally however, he must interact with others, but this is not very frequent. The songs and the terrible explanations for the songs are clearly meant to be the jokes.
Quotes:
"You can't cook an egg unless you got yourself a frying pan.
You shouldn't rob a bank without a plan,
You shouldn't use your tongue to stop a fan."
Dave: "Wait a minute! You mean to tell me that you slept with a woman and now you're *whining* about it? You're not a bluesman, you're an idiot!"
Mark: "'Scuse me, I am a blues man. I'm an authentic bluesman. Yes sir, I got the Louisiana Blues, I had the travelin' blues, I had that two time. I got the blues from my head down to my shoes. I do."
Dave: Hey, aren't those $300 shoes?
[Mark tries to hide one shoe with the other.]
Some other recurring characters that i will write about later (as I am tired of writing right now) include: Evan, the Sizzler Sisters, M. Piedlourde, cancer boy, Flying-pig, the Seminar guys, Armada, "it's a fact" and the Helans.