25 Lazy Presents
It's Christmas time, and the malls are all bustling with holiday cheer and hundreds of crazed shoppers, all looking for that perfect gift for someone special. However, not everyone likes people... or effort for that matter. As a slacker, I feel your pain. Thus, I bring to you gifts that even you can pull off. Heck - if yer lucky, they may even be considered thoughtful! Let's begin, as I already grow tired of this.
1. Money! The calling card of the lazy/thoughtless gift-giver is cold hard cash (unless of course you asked for it, then it rocks). But, if you ask for something, and then get money and the message, "now you can get whatever you like with it!" the person who gave it to you is just lazy.
2. Stuff that you didn't bother to open last year! Hell, you don't even have to wrap this one! Plus, you might be giving a really awesome gift, so go you! The only problem is that you have to make sure the person yer giving it to is not the original giver.
3. Hand-Drawn-Pictures! Sure, I know these can be very thoughtful, but that's not always the case. Hell, I can spit out a doodle in like 5 seconds, and then claim I put effort into it. Who are they to argue art? No one, that's who. This works best if yer a small child, or the person yer giving it to is easily impressed.
(would you say I REALLY love you, based on that picture?)
4. Stuff that you don't want anymore! It has no sentimental value, or any worth at all. You just dont' want it anymore, and it fits nicely in a box.
5. Land Before Time videos! These are just retarded. While yes, this DOES require you to go out and buy it - is it really any better than nothing at all? No. No it's not.
6. Digital cards! With email, or a web-page, now you don't even have to leave yer house to deliver let alone get a crappy present. Which reminds me....
7. Regular cards! Slightly more effort than the digital cards, but not a whole lot. Be sure to write no more than yer name though. Not even their name. Make them feel like you were just handing them out, and they happened to get card #17. In fact, write #17 on it - that'd be funny.
8. Love! By far the easiest of the lazy gifts. Requires absolutely no effort on your part. Hopefully the person will not think that through and expect an even better gift on account of the fact that you love them.
9. Lists! Merry Christmas everybody!
10. Something from the fridge! Not even something holiday related. Or fresh. Nothing quite says 'lazy' like half a chunk of cheddar with "Xmas" written on it. But it works best with fruit. For some odd reason I always used to get oranges in my stocking. I hate oranges. Santa shoulda known that. I never asked for them or anything.
11. Promises! Usually only works on yer parents. Just promise them you'll do something; shovel, clean yer room, whatever. For one, they hardly ever check on these things. Also, it's probably stuff you have to do anyways. Might as well get a "get out of jail free" card out of it.
12. Get out of Jail Free cards! Wouldn't it be funny to just get a single get out of jail free card for Christmas? Especially if you don't own Monopoly. I don't own it - so I expect at least one of these things.
13. Stuff they already own! This one takes a little bit of work, but it's ever so fiendish. Basically, steal something from the person earlier in the year. Then wrap it up and give it to them for a gift. They'll be all like, "Oh! I used to have one of these, but I lost it! Thank you!" Fools.
14. An old sock! Write their name on it and claim it's a stocking! I actually did that once for Matty. For some odd reason he took it as a really nice thing. I think he still has it. It's just an old sock of mine with "MAT" written on it in black magic marker. Naw - that was an awesome present. Forget about this one.
15. Money! Did I already say money? Sorry. It's just, I hate getting money when it's not something I specifically asked for. That and oranges.
16. Buying yourself something! This one works so many ways! If you bought yourself something and then realized you forgot someone, just give it to them. Then, if they don't like it, you might even get it back without looking like a jerk. Swish!
17. An "IOU" card! Man... that's just lazy. BUT, it makes it look like you had a legitimate excuse, and will do something to remedy the situation soon. Fools.
18. Nothing at all! That's both lazy AND cold. You, sir, are one smooth operator if you can pull this one off.
19. Ah hell... 25 things is way too many. Why do I always set such goals for myself? Oh well. I guess I'm in this til I fini... oooh! Something shiney! Screw this. Merry. Yeah.