Yes, it's Christmastime again (well, kinda), and I think we all agree that the best part of the season is the general sloo of holiday specials on TV. Sure, I could go on about "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," "Charlie Brown's Christmas," or even the lesser-known "Howard, the Christmas Cheese" ...but I won't. No, it's time to review one of the best Christmas specials ever, and also one I was recently reunited with (thanks to the tape-dubbing talents of Sir Ryan MacNeil) -- "A Muppet Family Christmas."
The picture on the left is what "A Muppet Family Christmas" would look like were you to buy it from a store. The picture on the right is what mine looks like. Sure, it's not as pretty, but there is an advantage of taping of TV -- holiday commercials from 1988.
Yep, before we even get to the feature presentation, we see a shot of a skinny little weiner kid in a plaid shirt. He tosses a baseball into the air where it remains frozen, the flowers on his desk begin to bloom at high speed, and then a big flash of light brings the kid to proclaim, "It's coming back." That's right, Pepsi-Cola is proud to announce that E.T. has come home... home on videocassette. Not only that, Pepsi is offering a free five-dollar rebate with the purchase of an E.T. video. Thanks, Pepsi! Stay tuned for more great ads throughout the article. Which will finish, by the way, with the one reason why "A Muppet Family Christmas" is one of the best Christmas specials ever. (Gotta build suspense, yo!) For now, I'll begin with my list of the seven main reasons why it's my favorite Muppet movie.
The running gag. Oh, how I love recurring jokes. Remember the "icy patch" in front of Fozzie Bear's mom's door? By the end of the show, a total of seventeen characters slip on it. And it never gets old. Now, at this point, I would show a picture, but it's impossible to find Muppet movie stills. Instead, here's one of the pics I got when I typed in "Muppets" on Google Image Search.
Hmmm... I seem to recall Kermit as being green, but whatever. Anywho, on with the list.
Sprocket. Doc's doggy from "Fraggle Rock." It's impossible to pick a favorite Muppet (or Jim Henson creation, if you don't want to call him a Muppet), but Sprocket has always been the most adorable one. Awwwww! But yes, while we all sigh over how much we want to pet Sprocket all day, it's time for a commercial break!
Commercial Break #1: Fisher Price. For a company that makes some pretty cool toys, they don't seem to be very skilled in the advertisement department. For instance, they claim that Fisher Price toys will let toddlers have fun by "discovering how the world works." So yeah, let's all take a moment to drop our three-inch-tall, bald and rounded selves down a bright yellow chimney. When we slide out the backdoor unharmed, we'll thank Fisher Price. Or what about these "happy animal sounds?" If I were a duck, I don't think my quacks would be very happy if they meant I had a set of little chubby fingers squeezing my sides every five seconds. ...But I guess we turned out alright. Though I often wonder what it would be like to have arms...
Animal. Once again, I could never pick a favorite Muppet. But ever since I was a wee one, when I think "Muppet Family Christmas," I think Animal. The special just wouldn't be the same without him running around, screaming "PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!!"
Commercial Break #2: Radio Shack. Hahaha... Okay, I apologize in advance for this little review. You really do have to see the ad to understand the hilarity of it all. Or maybe you remember it, I dunno, I don't really recall how popular Radio Shack commercials were when I was two. But anywho, a spaceship lands in the Radio Shack parking lot and these little midget aliens waddle out. They have silver skin and matching green outfits. Now, you'd think that, what with their being from another planet and their exposed brains and all, the aliens would have more advanced technology than the humans of 1988. But no, the little guys seem pretty impressed with a handheld "Space Alien" game (oh, the irony!), a Spellmaster, and a mini-foosball table -- all of which are, by the way, not picked up, but transported to their hands with flourescent laser beams shot from their futureistic headbands. Anywho, the aliens get back into their spaceship and head home with their new toys. ...Wait a sec! They didn't pay for them!!! Goddamn foreign bastards...
A chef, yes... but is he Swedish?
Corny jokes. Anything Muppet-related would be just plain wrong were it to be lacking in corny jokes. Not only is there a really great Statler and Wardolf scene, there's that whole bit with Fozzie Bear and the snowman...
"Ah, Christmas -- the time for Santa Claus and his eight prancing reinbears."
"That's reindeer!"
"No, that's snow, darling!"
Bahahahahaha.
Muppet chess!!!!! I want in!!!
Taking things literally. These jokes are almost as great as the corny ones. Who can stand to not laugh when the barometers start "falling sharply" all over the TV news-anchor? It's brilliant, I tell you.
Kermit speaks German? Who knew?
Ability to make fun of itself. It's always great when a movie can laugh at itself. This is probably best shown when the entire cast of "Sesame Street" shows up...
Bert: Did you know that "Doc" starts with the letter "D?"
Doc: Why... yes.
Ernie: Yes! "Yes" starts with the letter "Y!"
Doc: True...
Ernie: And "true" starts with the letter "T!"
Dock: What is this?!
Bert: Where we come from, this is small talk.
Yeah, it's pretty much the Sesame Street characters who get the worst mockings. My personal favorite would be by Sam Eagle as they perform their Christmas play: "Is nothing sacred?!"
Gremlins!!!!!!!!!! Who cares if I was looking for Muppets, Gremlins are just plain awesome.
Not leaving anyone out. Having every single character show up at least once is incredibly rare in the world of TV specials. But by including Sesame Street, the Fraggles, and even the Muppet Babies into the plot, no one is forgotten. I liked Grover's little scene a lot ("Oh -- so you can see that I am not stirring. Note! how the hand never touches the spoon!"), but my favorite "cameo" was definitely that of Guy Smiley. All he did was sing one line in "Deck the Halls," and it made me laugh till it hurt. Oh, Guy Smiley... too bad "Squeal of Fortune" never made it big. But I digress!
Commercial Break #3: Fugi. For the most part, this wasn't a very remarkable commercial. They show us a row of swimmers and ask us to spot which one is the Fugi picture. I don't really get it -- are we supposed to be able to guess, or not? I sure can't tell, but that might just be because the colors fade after twelve years or so. Anywho, they go on about "Super H-R Film" with ultra-thin color layers for a while before they get to my favorite part: "Fugi-Color Quick Snap Flash: the first disposable 35mm camera with a flash BUILT IN!!!"
They're hardly Muppets... but what's an article without pirates?
So there you have it -- I think you'll agree not only that the '80's had the best commercials, but that "A Muppet Family Christmas" is the best Muppet movie. But what makes it such a great Christmas special? I'm glad you asked! Well, first of all, every Christmas special is supposed to make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. The Muppets do -- and best of all, they get across the theme of friendship, togetherness, celebration, what have you without preaching. (Take that, Linus!) But that still isn't the key element in making "A Muppet Family Christmas" such a special special -- it's the music! It's impossible to not enjoy a big, belted-out Muppets musical number -- and so, the Muppets singing Christmas carols is the perfect recipe for a holiday mood. I mean, you could sit me down on the hottest day of July and make me watch "A Muppet Family Christmas," and afterwards I'd start scrambling around for colored lights to hang. So yeah, if you didn't get the chance to watch "A Muppet Family Christmas" this year, I suggest you stick your head in the oven with the turkey. Er, I mean... make sure you watch it next year. Heh, heh.
