A Return to the Sewers: A Re-review of the New TMNT

Yes, a long time ago, in a province far, far away (some time last year in Ontario) I wrote a review of the new “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” cartoon. There were 2 things sad about that occasion: one was that the review was deleted before I got a chance to post it; the other being that the review was not a favorable one. I greatly disliked this show, as it was a mockery of all that I loved from the original series. Where the new He-Man (R.I.P.) Went right, this one went wrong. Or so was my original belief... hence this re-review! I have since watched a few more episodes of the new series, and it’s starting to grow on me, and it eventually lost some of the things that made it annoying. Anyways - let’s begin!


Theme Song Comparison: Starting at the start (of each episode): the theme song. No, it is not the beloved theme song of our youths, singing about each turtle and their role in the group, with commentary from each of them (Gimme a break). It is however in the same vain. IE - it is a rock song that says the word “turtles” at least 50 times. Plus, just to give it that “rebellious” feel that the old one had, and that all young boys (and occasionally girls) need, it includes the lines, “It’s a SHELL of a time,” and, “when all else fails - then it’s time to kick butt!” These lines now are just kinda lame, but picturing me as a 10 year old hearing that - I woulda been in stitches (mostly because I was very accident prone and often cut myself on things). However, these little snippits of cool just aren’t enough to top the old theme song. It’s a classic. Heroes in a half-shell - TURTLE POWER!

Animation Style: This is what originally pissed me off about this new series. Not so much the characters (which we’ll get to in a minute) just the scene playout and look. For some odd reason, early on, they made all these weird camera shots. Like, each fight was in split- screen, or letterbox form, or some such non-sense. Thankfully they stopped with that crap, or at least cut it down so it’s not so noticeable anymore.

The character animation I actually quite like. The turtles look a tad more realistic (or at least as realistic as giant talking turtles with weapons can look...) than they used to. I like the fact that they now at least look like they can kick some ass. No longer grinning all the time. Except Mikey, but that’s the way Mikey is. Big bonus to this is: Now Raphael actually DOES look both cool AND rude! Wow!

Characters: The 4 turtles are all quite different now:

Leonardo still leads, but now he’s way more “big brothery.” He’s always watching out for the others and talking with Splinter about everyone’s well-being. It makes him a bit more likable (don’t get me wrong - I loved the original, he was my favorite - but, in watching the old episodes, he was a goddamn wiener... they got rid of that). He's actually had a few highly interesting little plot things work around him too. PLUS he uses his swords a lot more. I was always so disappointed with the old show that way... he's got these swords - he would always whip 'em out, but he never sliced anything. Dude slices lots in this new series. *slice*
Donatello still does machines (that’s a fact, Jack). But now he’s also a smart-ass (kinda like he was in the movie... thank you Corey Feldman). That’s all you can really say about Donatello... Donatello always sucked, and probably always will, except now he sucks a little less.
Raphael is still cool but rude. However, the amounts of those 2 have shot up dramatically. In that ‘cool’ has become ‘swarthy’ and ‘rude’ has become ‘violent and crazy, and beating the shit out of everybody.’ I’d say that’s a good review of him. He’s way more the movie/comic book Raph in this one. I always liked the old Raph - he was hilarious to 10 year old James. The new Raph gets less ‘zingers’ (which is sad) but he also punches a lot more (which is good). Also, he now sounds less like Mighty Max (same voice actor) and more like pissed off Tony Danza. Also a plus.
Michelangelo is still THE party dude. He’s the definition. It works for him way better in this new series than it did in the old one. The main reason for that being: in the old one. ALL the turtles were party dudes! By comparison he was just average. In this one he’s pretty much the only one. And now he gets the zingers - but they’re all terrible. But, the fun part of that it that they’re admittedly terrible, which makes them good. It’s a math thing, don’t bother trying to figure it out. He goofs of constantly: for an example, in a recent episode, when the gang is trying to find a way into Shredder’s lair, Mikey copies the “Mission Impossible” thing with the wires, only with like 20 extra wires. It was fun.
Splinter - he taught them to be ninja teens. He’s also a radical rat. Splinter is Splinter. He never changes. Ever. He’s always the giant rat in a kimono, with a bad accent. He’s still all about the wisdom, and occasional puns, all of which are terrible. If they changed him, there would be major complaints from everyone.
Shredder is now an actual threat. He’s no longer the bumbling idiot he once was, and now pretty much everytime him and the turtles fight, he wins, unless the Turtles fluke out. Also, he is not just some evil guy anymore... he’s a demon or something, plus a shrewd evil business man (yes, he runs a business, which is highly evil... in fact, he invented the mutagen that made the turtles! He’s like God to their Jesus! Wow!). Plus, as I mentioned before, he looks a hell of a lot cooler now. Like a mix between the old Shredder and Darth Vader. Those turtle boys couldn’t cut him no slack if they wanted to.
April O’Neil is still hateful. But now, she’s a re-vamped kind of hateful. She no longer works at Channel 6, and is now a computer/robotics genius, so at least she has a purpose. Unfortunately, she traded in her yellow jumpsuit for some more “Generation X” duds. I hate April, no matter what she’s wearing.

Baxter Stockman is no longer a “mad scientist” per se. He becomes one, but in the beginning he’s a Bill Gates-esque mega-millionaire with his own company. And. I can’t help but feel they changed the way he looks just a bit...

???????????a mystery we may never be able to solve????????


Casey Jones is there too. He does more stuff in this show (as he’s in like every episode) and is a lot cooler. He’s pretty much exactly the way he was in the movie. Only more animated. And... um... Joney...er. You review Casey Jones and see how well you do!

The Plot: The plot of this series is much better, in that it has one. The turtles are out there, trying to stop Shredder, while also learning about their origin. Shredder wants world domination, and actually has a chance of getting it. Casey Jones has a whole backstory, and is much more of the vigilante he was always meant to be. April continues to suck.

Random Problems: As of now, I only have one major problem with this new show. Two simple words: No Krang. I loved Krang. He was a reason to watch the show! Now, Shredder is his own boss, which is sad. However - there WAS an episode where there were a bunch of talking brains, some of which resided in the torsos of androids. I begged for just one to say, “Hey, watch it Krang!” or “Mmaaaoooww Shredder, you bumbling helmet-brain.” But alas, not such lines were emitted. However, I did, just to make myself feel better, name one of them Krang anyways. I need him there. Here he is:

Other than no Krang, I guess it’d be nice if Raph hit Mikey a lot less, but based on their character changes, I guess it makes sense. Cowabunga!

Overall: All in all, I gotta give this show a better review than I once gave it. No, I still don’t think it’s better than the original. BUT, it is just as good. It goes a complete different way, which I gotta respect. They coulda just put the old episodes on, and made a fortune off toys again, but nope - they wanted new, so they gave us new. Plus, the video game that goes with it, and the new figures are pretty kick ass. I give this show a 70%. A solid C. Ain’t nothin’ TOO special, but it’s still fun. Werd.