Top 10 Weird Things that Bother Me About Rocket Robin Hood
Ah Rocket Robin Hood - a show so terrible, it’s almost good. However, “almost” just doesn’t
cut it around here. If ya don’t know this show - it’s basically a space-aged Robin Hood cartoon
made in the 50s or 60s. And, for that extra punch in the groin, it’s Canadian. As much as I love
Canadian TV, I can see what’s wrong with it... most of it is in Rocket Robin Hood. There’s
loads wrong with this show, and since I have nothing better to do an article on since one I was
working on fell through (yeah, we’re like real journalism here folks!). why not tell you the
reasons this show is so damn bad. Laughably bad so it can still be enjoyed on some sick level,
but bad nonetheless. In fact, since the title decides what the article will be, there will be 10
things! The TOP 10 things! Neat, eh?
10. Terrible animation: The animation on this show basically looks like every cartoon
I’ve ever seen from back then looks like. The typical grainy screens, little to no movement from
any characters, and great inconsistencies in appearance. However, it best resembles the old
Hercules cartoon. The difference being, Hercules has Toot and Newton, and was thus beloved.
RRH has a creepy prospector chef... no beloving for that guy.
Then, take into account all the terrible things that old cartoons with action sequences are known
for (think original Spider-Man/Hulk): zoom into them for movement, and the fact that they only
have one shot of the hero jumping, fighting, throwing, etc. RRH has it all baby, and it qall adds
up to a big pile of stinky.
9. The Narrator lives in the present (??): Whenever the narrator describes the actions of
characters, or sets the scene at the beginning/end of each episode, he always says, “in the
exciting years to come,” or “in the fantastic years to come,” or something about the years to
come. Not only does that remove the responsibility of foretelling the future (I’m sure RRH is
supposed to be set in 1987 or something), but it also makes it clear that the narrator himself is
not a part of that future, since he refers to it as the future. Either that or he is a retarded monkey
with no sense of the present tense of things.
8. Nothing to do with flour: How can show about Robin Hood have nothing to do with
flour? I mean, really! No?
7. Prince John doesn’t see things when it’s convenient: I’ve seen this happen on a
number of occasions, but the most blatant was about 3 days ago. They were having a
competition (much like happens in every Robin Hood story interpretation) and John tries to
poison Robin (well, not so much poison as make pass-out, so I guess he was trying to get him
drunk...). Anyways, Robin’s about to drink this beverage right in front of John, when Tuck and
some other guy run out onto the field - evidently Tuck is thirsty and drinks a sip of the beverage,
and passes out. Robin figures this out, and dumps out the beverage. However, John still thinks
that Robin drank it, evidently not seeing 2 people on the field, 1 of whom is fat and passed out,
and then not seeing Robin dispose of his poison, despite being 10 feet away. Run on sentences.
As a result, Prince John’s plan fails due to blindness. Moron.
6. Blatant rip-off characters: One way they get around this is claiming that characters
are the descendants of other famous people (like Jesse James... yes, they fought - in outer space -
a cowboy with guns... whatever..) but there’ll be more on that later. They also have characters
that I guess the good people who made the show simply could not afford to get the copyrights
for. Like a vampire (living on an asteroid no less) named Count Blockula or something like that.
AND he had a henchman named Igoris or something. I hate this show.
5. Direct descendants: As I mentioned in that last one, a lot of the guest characters are
directly descended from older characters. This also goes for ALL OF THE MERRY MEN,
PRINCE JOHN, and THE SHERIFF! That makes no damn sense at all! Not only that, but the
only difference between medieval Robin and Robin of the fantastic years to come is that old
Robin has a mullet! Mullets! Apparently the original Robin lived in New Waterford (or for
those who don’t know CB - “in 1985").
4. Robin’s appearance: Remember how Robin used to be a dashing young man, trying
to do right? This robin as a grey streak in his hair, and sounds like he’s at least 50. I hate this
article.
3. N.O.T.T.: For those who never watched the show, first of all - good job. Secondly,
N.O.T.T. is the name of the evil organization that John and the Sheriff lead. It stands for
something stupid. However, the important thing is, the only reason that it’s called that is so the
Sheriff could be “the Sheriff of NOTT” because it’s close to his name before. Who cares that
the prince was in no way connected to Nottingham? He was the prince (well, king technically)
of England! But, so long as the cute pun can be named, who cares? The weird thing though: this
is the only place they did it! They turned Nottingham into NOTT to make it all futurey, and
make sense. They turned Sherwood Forest into an asteroid... CALLED SHERWOOD FOREST!
That makes no damn sense at all! Ahhh!
2. Robin doesn’t do anything illegal: Classic Robin would steal from the rich and give
to the poor, thus making him an outlaw hero. Rocket Robin does nothing but thwart Prince
John, with no thievery of any kind. Yet, for some odd reason, in the opening credits, he’s still
referred to as an “outlaw hero of right.” Now, a possible explanation is that Prince John is the
law, and by defying John, Robin is an outlaw. However, John doesn’t seem to have any actual
power in this (he leads NOTT, which no one in the universe seems to accept as/realize is the
government). So, what makes Rocket Robin Hood an outlaw? My guess is copyright
infringement. Count Blockula? Come on!
1. Use of “space words”: We’ve already seen how the narrator uses this quite often, but
the use of it by the regular characters is downright insane! In an episode I saw recently, Prince
John was trying to get Robin to do something and Robin said (I swear this is a direct quote),
“Just wait one cosmic minute. Hold your space breath.” What does that even mean? Space
breath? And, is a cosmic minute any longer than a regular minute? These guys are worse than the
Smurfs for making random crap up like that.
So yeah, if ya never watched this show, now you know what you were missing. I’m not even
going to get into the flawed physics of this show (breathing in space, etc.). Just the glaring plot
holes in this story are enough to make me want to write a letter of protest. However, since the
show has been off the air since 1968, I doubt I will. That and I’m lazy.
PS - The theme songs (yes, there are at least 3 per episode that I know of) also suck. Way worse
than the one from the Hulk. In fact, just to make this article a little more bearable, and to end on
an up note...
Doc Bruce Banner - pelted by gamma rays
turns into the Hulk (ain’t he unglamma-rays?)
Stomping through town with the power of a bull
That’s incorrigible (totally lovable)
That ever lovin’ Hulk!
HULK, HULK!
