The Many Poses of Starscream
Yes, there's a new Starscream for a new series of Transformers (being "Cybertron"). Now,
speaking as someone who has pretty much hated all the new Transformers stuff since the original
series went off the air (especially the ugly-assed toys, with the exception of the Masterpiece Prime)
I must say, this Starscream is the best version of the character I've seen since the original
glory that was G1 Steel Starscream. But what makes him so glorious?
Well, for one, the good people who produce the toys finally realized that Starscream (with the
slight possiblity of Optimus Prime) is the best character the series has ever spawned. As a result
in this figure, he is finally given the respect he deserves. And, in terms of toys, that all
comes down to size and accessories. Starscream is the biggest figure of the Cybertron series, towering
over both Megatron AND Optimus. That says something right there. His overall look is basically
"what is Starscream got to design his own body/armour?" He's pretty bad-ass looking, while still
managing to look really, really close to the original (just with a different paint-job). But that's
not the best part...
The best part is one small accessory that I almost didn't notice upon first seeing this literally massive
toy. Just under him in his clear plastic prison is the ultimate resume-highlight for Starscream.
I speak, of course, about his very brief position as the Decepticon leader in Transformers: the Movie.
Yes - new Starscream comes with the Decepticon crown. Totally friggin' sweet. Anyways, we get to the
main point of this article. When a classic character - an idol from your childhood - is given the
respect he so greatly deserved to your joy, what do you do? You put him in retarded poses and take
pictures, that's what!
Here is is in classic "I'm wicked and better than you. Hey, look at my crown. I'm Starscream" pose.
Gets the ball rolling, wha?
Here we have "Relaxing by the water-cooler at work" Starscream. Notice his hand ready to grasp any
enemy coffee mugs and down them with much apathy.
This is "hey there, Ladies" Starscream. Notice the extended... um... cockpit.
Here we see "Saturday Night Fever" Starscream. He is being assisted by old-school Blaster
to help him totally get down/funky. He'd kick PartyBot's ass.
Just a little too late for the summer, this is "tanning at the beach" Starscream. He's totally
hip and whatnot. He can't tan though, as he's made of plastic. He can fade though. But if he
does, I'm kicking Christian's ass (it's Christian's Starscream, by the way... and he better treat
him well. Me and Starscream himself would stand for no less).
My personal favorite, this is "marriage proposal" Starscream. Notice he cares not for rings
but rather offers the crown to some lucky lady-bot. You can also see that this is the nerdiest picture EVER TAKEN.
Regardless of it being a picture of a posed Transformer toy, there is also a LOTR cup behind him;
he is surrounded by a dice-bag and D&D books; if you look very closely behind him, you can see
not 1 but 2 copies of Star Wars OT. We're fun people.
Starscream has just cleared his final hurdle to become "Olympic Gold" Starscream. Note his fists in the
air in victory. Blaster didn't even come close.
Realizing that he can be bad-ass in any era, we present to you "Cowboy" Starscream. He's bow-legged...
Here is "drank too much and is now puking on his own shoes" Starscream. That title pretty
much says it all. And let me tell you - puked up Energon isn't nearly as pleasant as it is when
it goes in. No cubes here. Just piles of semi-digested cyber-waste.
Getting tired of all the pictures and praise he was recieving, Starscream decided to take a breather and chill-ax.
Thus, we have "Chill-axing" Starscream. He even sits cool. I wish I could sit that cool. When I sit people
kick me over. And then run away with Starscream.
Taking a note from "Peanuts" here we have "kicking a fotball and maybe missing" Starscream. 'Cept,
unlike Charlie Brown, if Starscream had the ball pulled away from him, Lucy would get punted to
Spain. The Spanish hate Lucy.
Prettiest of all, we have "Ballerina toes" Starscream. Ignore Amy behind him. She's not holding
him up. She's um... admiring his form. Yes.
And finally, saving the best for last, we bring you, in all his glory and might, "Taking a dump on Jetfire" Starscream.
Many Autobots and Claytons mourned for their hero as the cyber-crap was dumped on to him. But he was frozen - frozen in
both fear and admiration. Plus, I think Jetfire was into that kinda thing. Not saying I don't like Jetfire, I'm just saying...
guy was weird.
Well, that's all that we could come up with last night. If we can come up with others, I'll be sure to post them. And yes - there
was 3 of us working on those poses for about 45 minutes. We're just that cool. Shut up.