Top 10 Halloween Treats:

Yes, the Halloween season is upon us, and if you recall the 100 reasons why Halloween is Awesome article, most of the entries were “free candy.” I’m not sure how many there were exactly, but at least 20% I’d say were the candy. Candy is awesome. The fact that it’s free is even better. Anyways, since it the time for the free candy is almost upon us, I figured I’d do the world a public service and let you all know what candy is better than the others. This way you can know exactly how to barter during the big trade-off at the end of the night. Or, if yer not into the trading, it’ll just let you know what order you should eat all yer stuff in. That’s right - it’s the top 10 Halloween treats (as seen above)!

10. Taffy Candies: I just find these things are really rare, and most of the times they’re really good. If ya get a good fruit flavoured one, yer all set. It’s like gum, only it won’t stay in yer stomach for 7 years after swallowing it.

9. Carmel Cubes: Far less rare than their taffy counterparts, these little carmel cubes were one of my favorites as a wee one. My tastes have since matured and changed, but I still love these little candies. The Kraft ones are by far the best. Get dollar store ones, and you might as well just eat the skin of yer arm. Which would actually make a neat zombie costume or something. Get on that!

8. Left-over Candy: Who doesn’t love to come home to find that their house had very few trick-or-treaters, and thus they now have oodles of free candy, already sorted and dished out for them? No one, that’s who. Actually no - I hear Hitler was very sore on the idea of pre-sorted candy. He liked to do that himself.

7. Gum balls: This might just be a personal preference what with my addiction to gum balls. I dunno what my problem is, but I think I need help. When I’m at the mall I spend upwards of 75 cents on the stuff. The ones with little pumpkin faces are both delicious and cute! I like those the best. When they smile at me, I find it makes the addiction seem less. Help me, please.

6. Fun-sized Stuff: I don’t know why, but the concept of “fun-sized” always intrigued me. I don’t know how they measure out “fun” but whatever. Usually there’s some tast ycandy involved. Nerds especially, as those aren’t a regular “gonna get a snack” candy. Nerds should be the staple of any day. Screw breakfast - it’s had its days of glory.

5. Chips that aren’t plain: About 75% of any candy sack ends up being chips. 99% of the time, those chips are plain (often Humpty Dumpty, but Lays are moving up there!). However, on the rare chance that you get a flavoured bag - you hit pay-dirt. There are bags of salt and vinegar and BBQ floating around out there. Once, I even got a mini-bag of sour cream and onion. No foolin’! The spirit of Halloween was with those people. Then it probably slaughtered their children, as Halloween spirits are the bad kind.

4. Cans of Pop: There’s something about cans of pop at Halloween that make them seem so much more special than they are on any given day, when you could get them anyways. I’d say it’s probably the weight. You throw a can of pop into a pillow case, and that thing is heavy. You could easily beat a hobo to death with such a thing. Not that you would...

3. Regular-Sized Bars: Hell, these things are bigger than fun! That’s gotta say a lot! You know the people who went out and bought full candy bars for kids on Halloween either really love kids, really love Halloween, or slipped razors into the Nestle Crunch bars, cuz nobody checks those for that kinda thing. Candy is good. Even when it kills you.

2. Juice Bags: Juice bags are alright and everything, but the main joy of getting juice bags when I was little was that they were MY juice bags. The regular ones that my mom bought for school were to be used for that purpose only. But these Halloween juice bags could be used for whatever I wanted to. Had I been as evil then as I am now, I probably would have made some kind of grenades out of them, btu as it was, I just made one of my favorite snacks ever with them: Frozen Juice Bags! Like popsicles, only with WAY more substance to them, and they stay in a bag, so there’s less mess! Good for all purposes!

1. Rockets!: Okay, so rockets might not seem like too much in the line of candy. They’re pretty small and whatnot. But they are delicious, and they are given out on Halloween in ludicrous amounts. I gladly trade away fun-sized stuff for a few tubes of rockets each. I have no idea why. A lot of people are gonna question why I put this as #1... oh well!

That’s all for that kiddos. Hopefully it’ll help a bit this October 31st (or Nov. 1st, or whenever the hell they’re having it this year!) Enjoy the free candy folks. It’s awesome.