The Christmas Village: Christmases Past...

Yes, another Christmas is upon us, which means it was yet again time to assemble the ever- famous, ever-popular Christmas Village in my basement. Oh the joys that this village brings to peoples all over the world. But this year, I decided to do something a little different. And so, with that in mind, with my trusty sidekick, one Erin Q. Gillis, we set to the assembly of this year’s Christmas Village.

Yep, there she is in all her glory. I know what you’re thinking: it essentially looks the same way it does every year. Btu there is a difference this time my friend! You shouldn’t think before you’re informed. That’s called logic. What you were doing is called prejudice which is almost like racism. Do you want to be a racist, or do you want to enjoy Christmas? I thought so.

The difference this year is that the figures in the village aren’t just acting all Christmassy/wintery. Oh no. They’re re-enacting famous scenes from Christmas specials of the past. Glorious, no? It is. Trust me. I’m the one that stopped you from becoming racist afterall. I’m practically a saint in your eyes.

Up first is the joyous scene from one of my favorite movies, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” where George is running down the streets of Bedford Falls shouting “Merry Christmas!” to everyone he passes. Even Mr. Potter! And Potter was a dick! Paying homage to Jimmy Stewart is Mr. Pink. You’ll notice the post-it note on the red building - that’s the Bailey Bros. Building & Loan. Man, I thought of everything!

Remember when Garfield found Grampa’s old love letters and gave them to Gramma? Classic Christmas gift-giving moment. Here enacting that moment is Garfield (why not?), a random dog-toy as Odie, and in the role of Gramma, Peter Venkman. The only problem is that whenever Peter speaks, Garfield looks confused. It’s odd hearing your voice come out of someone else’s mouth.

Rudolph faced great dangers when his girlfriend reindeer (I forget her name - it’s not overly important) was kidnaped by the abominable snowman. Here we see that the Pokemon decided to act out that very scene. Pikachu’s red-nose is a dead give away as to who he is. I forget the pink thing’s name, so she’s the girl reindeer whose name I also forget. I dunno if Scyther or Squirtle is supposed to be Yukon Cornelius, but the other would be the dentist-Elf. Mr. Abominable is played by the Wampa. Looks like he totally killed some other reindeer. That’ll teach them to laugh at those who are different. See? Racism doesn’t pay!

This scene is kinda a mix of 2 scenes from “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” It’s a combo of the tree outside Charlie Brown’s house and the Linus speech which is a classic part of any Christmas (it’s a highlight of mine anyways). Playing the roles of Chuck and Lucy are their Pez-versions, Snoopy is played by Snoopy, the little tree is a bent little tree (with ornament and everything!). So far this one was looking like it would be 100% accurate, until I realized that I had no Linus. I DO however have many R2 units. So, R2-D2 became the new Linus. He had the blue-blanket already when I asked him to do it. What a good guy.

And finally in the village we have one of Christmas’ most classic films, Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.” Here we see in the role of Scrooge, Capt. Jean-Luc Picard (hell, the played the role once before - and kicked ass at it no less!). He’s getting visited by all 3 ghosts at once, cuz they’ve got other places to haunt. The Ghost of Christmas Past is Obi-Wan’s ghost. In an example of poor casting, we have Yoda’s ghost as the normally massive Ghost of Christmas Present. And, suitably as the dark scary Ghost of Christmas Future we have Anakin Skywalker’s ghost. Spooooky.

Now, that’s all that’s in the actual village, but the village has a new neighbor 4 feet over! Yes, I decided to re-enact one of Christmas’ most famous scenes. I’m speaking of the manger scene, made famous in such movies as “Home Alone,” and “Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.” Only, I don’t have any Jesus toys, so we had to improvise. We’ll go through it person by person.

a. Is the angel of the lord, beckoning to all that the savior is born. The beckoning in this manger is being brought to us in the shrill, nasal voice of original Starscream. I guess he had some community service to do or something.
b. Is the 3 Wise Men. Who’s wiser than Batman? The only answer: 3 Batmen. Yes, here they are with their gifts of gold (C-3PO Lego), frankincense (R2 Lego) and Muir (Vader Lego). Very wise gifts indeed.
c. The famous donkey, here played by a Dino-Rider. His lasers have been removed due to the solemness of the moment.
d. Ah, Mary and Joseph. The mom and step-dad of the lord. Here played by Dante and Randal. I dunno which is which. I doubt they do either. They don’t look pleased about being selected though.
e. Can’t have a manger scene without the shepherd. The shepherd here is Kazad-Dum Gandalf. He shouts. It’s wicked. Sheep totally listen to him when he shouts “You shall not pass!” They don’t even try.
f. And what’s a shepherd without his sheep, here played by various other dinosaurs. The manger would have been a lot cooler with dinosaurs. Jesus really dropped the ball with that one.
g. And finally, the kid they’re all here to see, Jesus Christ himself. Who’s more Jesusy than Krang, oppressive ruler of Dimension X? Probably nobody. That’s why Krang is sitting in that weird little box.

So that’s the whole thing for this year. Every time I spelled ‘this’ in this article, I spelled it “thsi” for some reason. I blame all the sacrilege. But then, that’s never hindered me before. Oh the mysteries that are the Christmas Spirit. Christmas Village Spirit.