An Online Interview with Kyle Evans.
It's been so very long since I put an interview up, and since we actually got requests to do so, I did one just a few days ago. This one is a little different though. It was done on MSN messenger, and so is quite choppy, but hopefully still amusing, so bear with it. If you like conversations that are so jumbled it's difficult to comprehend, then you'll LOVE this!
Just to set the stage: It's around 1:15 am; I'm in my basement, Kyle is in his Halifax playboy-appartment. And it begins, thus:
James:
Well Kyle, where do you see yourself in 10 years? (how original)
Kyle:
you'd think I'd have an answer prepared, as I've just given you the question....
James:
true
Kyle:
ideally, I'd like to be doing what I'm doin now - but makin money.
James:
what is it yer doing now?
Kyle:
somehow making money writing music, maybe even just writing. I'll probably be in a little cubicle somewhere snickering at Dilbert cartoons.
James:
writing songs, or just in general?
Kyle:
both. I figure I've gotta do something to keep myself interested.
James:
True.
what's the difference between the big city of Halifax and little ol' CB? (that affects you the most)
Kyle:
hrmmmm... Differences- people don't look at each other when they pass in the street. I think it's weird. where are you supposed to look? Also, everything is very much a clique here. I'm scared as hell to go to the khyber club. Also people dress better here. And the economy shoe shop? forget it.
James:
what the hell is the economy shoe shop?
Kyle:
barish/lounge/hipster hangout type place. Lots of beautiful people to be ignored by.
James:
and it's called the "economy shoe shop"?! That's insane!
Kyle:
yup... it's that hip. It's where the nscad folks hang out with their scarves.
James:
there's a question: who do you consider to be the most beautiful person on earth, and why?
Kyle:
hrmmm... good question James.
James:
thanks!
Kyle:
do I try to answer seriously or just say "me"??.... hrmmm..
James:
haha You are kinda beautiful Kyle.
Kyle:
physical beauty/inner beauty?
James:
plus, we could have a touching scene where you cry
Kyle:
it's gotta be the combo
James:
okay
Kyle:
hrmmm.. I don't have a girlfriend anymore so I cant cop out and just say her(*) **sniff, sniff**
James:
ouch
Kyles:
haha
James:
the girls all over the internet just went "aww" and started dialing yer number dude.
Kyle:
ahhah ...hope so. hehe
James:
you know it
Several minutes go by, it later turns out that Kyle got disconnected, but at the tiem I didn't know
that.
well, since yer not answering, I'll ask another question.
(we'll get back to that one later)
Kyle:
next question. that's my final answer... dear god shoot me for that
James:
nice. I thought you were dc'd there for a sec, but, okay.
Kyle:
nope my ethernet card is sucky.
James:
I see. Okay, next question: if you could do anything in yer life over again, what would it be?
Kyle:
ooooh, another good one!
James:
I'm good at my job.
Kyle:
soo many little inconsequential things rushing through my head.....
James:
well, pick one (a good one with a story to it)
Kyle:
you mean like a thing I wish I could reverse... or something that was fun and I want to do over....
James:
either one is good. Or, perhaps both.
Kyle:
hrmmm.... I think something I'd like to fix would be the way I let certain people walk all over me during high school....
James:
that's a good one.
Kyle:
not that I had a particularly rough time, but I think there were times where I let certain girlfriends and others get away with too much.
James:
I see.
Kyle:
that's one thing I'd fix for sure.
James:
understood. what about something you'd just rather do again, for the fun of it?
Kyle:
I just happened to stumble onto a pile of old notes from junior high/high school mostly from girls I went out with. got all reminiscent...
James:
ooh!
Kyle:
they were in my dresser in my room at home... brilliant hidin' spot.
James:
the pile is HUGE! All Kyle's ladies.....
Kyle:
just 4 really... and they all dumped my sorry ass... awww
James:
ouch again
Kyles:
I think that I'd like to relive the summer of when I was 15
James:
why?
Kyle:
good times at the cottage near Pembroke, Ont. family and friends, everything was great.
James:
excellent
Kyle:
played guitar at campfires, kissed the girl from down the beach just before the end of the summer... it was like the movies.
James:
wow. it is.
Kyle:
yeah it was good times
James:
seems it.
Kyle:
Playing badminton with my little brother. **sniff sniff*** I feel like I'm on Oprah.
James:
I didn't even know you had a little brother! or did I?
Kyle:
it's true! Tyler.
James:
hmm... doesn't ring a bell. did I ever meet him?
Kyle:
he's stirring up the shit in Ottawa elementary schools
James:
okay: which would you rather do: shoot yourself in the stomach or saw off yer own foot?
Kyle:
oooh! Shot to the stomach without terrible repercussions? will I be able to eat etc...?
James:
oh no, they're present.
Kyle:
Hrmmm
James:
You'll probably die. Or, live after a while, and eat much later.
Kyle:
I'm assuming no numbing allowed?
James:
nope.
Kyle:
yeah ok I'd probably choose the stomach shot, so long as I don't die from it and can function normally eventually.
James:
even if there's the chance to die?
Kyle:
I couldn't see myself staying conscious through the sawing.
James:
fair enough.
Kyle:
is there a chance of dying from both?
James:
indeed there is. bullet wound to the stomach is usually fatal, and so is major loss of blood. plus, with both there is extreme pain that could also kill you.
Kyle:
I'd go for the stomach then... If there's equal chance of death. That's a rather morbid question James, are you planning on killing me?
James:
... maybe... Okay, what would you like to ask me Kyle?
Kyle:
that's my first question.
James:
fair enough. no, I couldn't kill you. I like your music to much. ... and you! yes, that will do..
Kyle:
good answer.
James:
thanks.
Kyle:
for that severe dose of ego stroking, I will allow you to continue your line of questioning even though it is past my bedtime....
James:
well, if you need sleep Kyle, I have quite a lot as it is... it's up to you.
Kyle:
no I'm good to go.
James:
okay.
Kyle:
ed's gonna wake me when he gets home anyway... that fucker.
James:
who's ed? (that's my next question)
Kyle:
my room mate.
James:
oh yeah... I remember mention of him...
Kyle:
he lives in room next to mine. we get to whack him with bamboo so he gets to pay cheaper rent. It works out for the best. He's out "mackin' dem bitches".
James:
sounds like a charming lad
Kyle:
he's good people
James:
cool
Kyle:
probably the most sociable person I've ever met
James:
nice... Subject change!
Kyle:
ok, good. I don't want to have to profile my roommates.
James:
what song title best describes Kyle Evans? ...and his roommates?
Kyle:
song title of mine? Or in general?
James:
in general. (though, one of yours will be accepted)
Kyle:
Ummm.... for me - Brickhouse, by the Commandoes
James:
Hahaha why?
Kyle:
That's not funny. 'Cause I'm solid baby
James:
oh... sorry. I know you are. You are a solid baby.
Kyle:
I just thought of something incredibly vulgar to respond to that with, but I wont sully your webpage with smut.
James:
okay. Sounds like a plan. Though, it is 1:47 in the am.. if it just slips out, it'd be understood to be drunk talk.
Kyle:
roommates - rock and roll macdonalds, Wesly Willis
James:
why that for them?
Kyle:
it sums them up pretty well. They listen to rock music and eat McDonalds frequently
James:
well, that would work well then
Kyle:
oh wait! Better answer: roommates - humanbeinglawnmower, by mc5... cuz they eat grass. That's a better answer.
James:
haha! They do eat grass.
Kyle:
next question!
James:
did your hockey card fortune come true? Did you indeed become a "future star"?
Kyle:
oh I thought you meant "is my hockey card collection valuable?" heh. My hockey career is probably over. Although I'd like to play if I could get some skates and gear
James:
but, are you a "future star"?
Kyle:
I doubt it
James:
it can be on or off the ice
Kyle:
I don't think I'll ever be really famous if that's what you mean
James:
what makes you say that?
Kyle:
the odds are against me. I wouldn't complain if it happened. But I don't expect it to.
James:
okay.
Kyle:
I secretly yearn for it though... rid myself of the garbage that I call friends now.... kidding.
James:
as do I friend. as do I. You're 19 right?
Kyle:
yup. Till the summer.
James:
okay: when you were... say... 5, what was your view of 19 year olds?
Kyle:
scary old people. I didn't really know any 19 year olds when I was 5. I just knew kids and grownups. Maybe I knew a teenager or two, but they pretty much went into the grownup category.
James:
I see. And, when you were 5, what did you think you'd be doing right now? (well, maybe not "right now" but in this period of your life)
Kyle:
probably going to university.... I was really into dinosaurs, maybe I thought I'd be a scientist who studies dinosaurs. Or a dinosaur.
James:
you'd be a dinosaur?
Kyle:
I always remember wanting to be something important.
James:
most do
Kyle:
like a doctor or something
James:
oh.. I never wanted to be a doctor. I always wanted to be an artist when I was a kid, til I was about 12 or so.
Kyle:
actually, at 5 I probably wanted to be a hockey player come to think of it.... yeah I wanted to make my livelihood as a singer since they started music classes in elementary.
James:
and now your living the dream
Kyle:
yup
James:
awesome
Kyle:
though not making my livelihood yet.... I'm definitely spelling livelihood wrong. You can fix that you're the editor.
James:
wow... you're making my job hard! But, I think that will do for tonight Kyle... I'm really tired.
Kyle:
cool cool
James:
thank you for your time etc. bs bs bs
Kyle:
yeah, you get to sleep. if I get to sleep I get woken up in an hour by raging drunken ed comin home, haha! Later. Time for pizza pops! Mmmm... g'night
James:
later. night.
(*)NOTE: mere days after this interview took place, Kyle and Katie got back together, and there was much rejoicing. Sorry Ladies.