The Spincycle Square are The Greatest Band on the Face of the Planet

It all went down during an all ages show at the Steelworkers Hall - sorta... the actual interview took place at The Billiards Connection, as the boys wanted some beer... oh those boys. The band was fresh off their set, and the night before they had been crowned "World's Sketchiest Band" - they had it all going for them...

The Interview begins witha discussion of how well the Fisher-Price tape recorder actually records. Apparently the answer would be, quite well. Good job, me. Anyways, let's get to the good stuff, wha? However, I should mention that those of you with a weak stomach should skip the whole "how much you've puked" section. I mean, it's quite funny, but geez...

JW - I'm James and I play bass for the Spincycle Squared.

AR - Dale! Who the hell are ya?

DF - Uh... Buddy from Park St.

TPS - What do ya do?

DF - I like to take pictures. But, I haven't been doing much of that lately, so basically I just play Nintendo. Guitar.

AR - Hey. I'm Alf Remo. I play guitar and I sing and I write all the songs. And I am the grand star here. Did Alfred just say that? Or did someone else say that?

SM - My name's Sean MacGillvray and I play drums and scream my fuckin' head off. And I also design client-relations managment software.

TPS - And Bryce McNeil's here too.

BM - That's right. I'm here for no reason at all.

JW - Bryce is our fan.

BM - I'm the president of the Dirty... Dirty Laundry Brigade.

TPS - First question - we'll start it off with an easy one, a little fantasy question here: if you had the ability to transform, a la Transformers, what would you transform into?

 DF - Oh man.. can I answer this one?

TPS - It's for everyone.

DF - I'd transform into, like, the casette tapes man. Ya know what I mean? Then people could like, tape over me if they don't like what I'm talking about.

AR - You could become the music.

JW - I'd probably transform into a bass amp, cuz I don't have one.

AR - How could you play bass though?

TPS - Yeah, exactly. I'm a bass amp, but there's no bass! (my impression of James as a bass amp)

JW - Yeah I... I haven't really thought that one through.

BM - It's an open question.

SM - What would I transform into? Um... what were some of my favorite Transformers? just let me think...

TPS - It doesn't have to be an actual transformer. You could transform into anything... could transform into a... (looking around the room) a couch.

SM - Yeah, that sounds good.

TPS - Okay. I answered that one... how 'bout you, Bryce?

BM - Me?

TPS - Yeah, why not?

BM - If I could transform I...

AR - I...

BM - No, go Alf.

AR - I'd transform into a glass. A glass that would hold beer. Being a beer drinker...

TPS - Another alcohol-based interview we have going on here.

AR - Yeah, okay.

BM - I'd transform into a man who can actually get laid.

TPS - Nice.

AR - Hey! Man... why.. why didn't I think of that?

BM - That's right! Yer reconsidering now, aren't ya?

AR - Hmm... HMM...

DF - Can we rewind, and I'll tape over my part with.. with something like he said?

TPS - Okay, now we're gettin' to the relevant questions: what is meant by the term "sketch rock"?

 DF - Ah man.. it's just one of those uh... we have habits of like, brutalizing the mics when we jam and stuff like that. And we'll just, like say random things to each other just, like to entertain ourselves.

SM - And it goes so much deeper than that.

AR - It's all about timing, and lack of timing...

SM - You see we...we take a unique approach to music, in that we, like... it's sort of a forgone conclusion, that we don't, like really like... "try". We have goals, we have like things we wanna do in our music, but we don't, ya know, we don't sweat the details.

AR - Yeah.

JW - Play as many shows as we can, and practice as little as possible.

AR - Yeah, pretty much.

DF - Yeah, that's pretty much our motto.

SM - Although, the odd thing is, there's actually no band that I've ever been in that practices as diligently as the Spincycle Squared.

TPS - I remember you telling me that, like last year or something.

SM - I've never been in a band that practices this much. I mean it's... it's not like... don't confuse it for lack of effort. We practice for hours what we do.

AR - Oh yeah.

TPS - Wow.

BM - It's all about subtlty.

AR - Yeah. It's about perfecting the sketch (said like William Shatner, for some reason...).

DF - And eye contact..

AR - Yeah. Look at the crowd. Must look at the crowd, must look at the crowd... ugh..

TPS - ... and then start wrestling matches..

AR - Yeah that... that just sorta happened..

SM - It's all part of the show, we're big into showmanship, ya know, like giving the crowd something they want, like.. basically a spectical..

AR - Yeah, ya know... I'm tuning my guitar... they're, ya know... Sean berates me..

DF - It's all part of the show..

SM - It's all part of me brutalizing the microphone..

TPS - It was all worked out weeks ago..

SM - Oh yeah. I got my crib notes on the side there..

TPS - Yeah, it's written on the drums, or something: "Alfred sucks.".

SM - Yeah. And it's true..

AR - Hey!.

SM - I didn't say that..

AR - That's a good one..

TPS - And with the.. the sketch rock, are you happy with the... uh... the title of sketchiest band in the world, as a result of the contest last night?.

 AR - Fuck, I'm more than happy..

SM - I can handle it, like, I think it's a product of the years of hard work. It's a goal we've been working towards for a long time....

TPS - And have the endorsements started rolling in yet?.

SM - .and... Oh yeah. And it was, ya know what, it was an honour just being nominated..

AR - Yeah. And right now, and right now, officially I am putting out the challenge to ANY other sketchy bands out there - we'll take them on..

TPS - Wow..

SM - Not just in the world but in the galaxy?.

AR - Exactly..

DF - We're that confident..

TPS - Yer going for the 'Intergalactic Sketchy Band' title?.

SM - Oh yeah. We're taking this shit to the Olympics, yo..

TPS - It'll be a new category, right after the long jump..

BM - Would it be the reverse of drug testing, for like sketchy bands, like, if you test that don't have any drugs - that's it, yer disqualified?.

DF - What do you mean yer guitar never goes out of tune?! What are ya talking about?.

TPS - Just bang it off the ground a couple of times, c'mon guys!.

AR - Exactly..

BM - No one throws their guitars anymore, for god sakes..

DF - Thankfully, Alfred writes songs, you know, in keys that I can like, just play any chord in case I forget....

BM - That's my favorite chord of all time - the one where the guitar comes down. That's the best chord in rock..

TPS - That DOWNG.

AR - DOWNG.

DF - BOWNG.

BM - That BOWNG - nobody's ever topped that..

TPS - It is a nice sound..

SM - Oh man....

TPS - Just with an acoustic guitar dropping, it just makes a disgusting sound.

AR - Boo..

BM - bonk..

DF - buhnk..

AR - Eeww!.

TPS - What would you guys say was the highlight of the career of Mel Brooks?.

 JW - Mel Brooks... um.. I'm a big Spaceballs fan, actually..

TPS - You gotta love Spaceballs..

DF - Spaceballs was such.. just a really good 'comeback'. AS far as comebacks go, he.. he....

SM - That was it....

DF - .. he hit it. Um.. I haven't seen History of the World yet, but I hear a lot of good stuff about it..

SM - Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my rag-time gal... (done in a 50's crooner voice).

DF - He's seen it..

SM - Oh no. That's from Spaceballs..

DF - Oh yeah!.

BM - Who doesn't know a line from Spaceballs?.

TPS - So... I guess we're all just set on Spaceballs....

AR - Yeah.. I actually haven't made it through, totally watching all of Spaceballs..

TPS - Seriously?.

AR - Something usually happens..

SM - I've definetly seen a lot of bit of Spaceballs. I saw it once through, and then I, I kept like flickin' on to ASN, and I'd see like, ya know casually watch 40 minutes it..

JW - Yeah, it IS always on ASN..

BM - Isn't it... isn't it like, permitted by US law that it has to be on TBS once every 3 weeks?.

TPS - Something like that..

BM - I think it's written in the constitution, that Spaceballs MUST be on..

TPS - After Pretty in Pink, every time..

BM - Exactly..

SM - Stranger things have happened in their constitution..

BM - True enough. You'd be surprised..

TPS - So what do you guys think of the current state of rock and roll today? Like the stuff we're listeing to right now....

 AR - It's fuckin' depressing man..

SM - We're listeing to John Mayer right now, and he sucks ass. I'm sure he's gettin' mad-laid, but he still sucks ass....

AR - Whoa. haha..

SM - Aaaand, rock today is pretty lame. And, even the... the better more palitable rock is still.. shallow genre-aping crap..

AR - Yeah..

SM - And um... I don't know what really puts us in the posistion to really criticize...

AR - Yeah!.

All start laughing. Oh that Sean....

AR - No, but we're for real, man! We're for real!.

SM - We're taking it back to the streets..

AR - Oh yeah!.

JW - We got the heart and soul..

TPS - So what can you guys do to make rock and roll, back to what it should be?.

SM - Rock and roll needs a kick in the ass, and stop taking itself so seriously, and... wearing make-up, like.. we're gonna not wear make-up, and not do our hair, and hopefully rock is gonna recover..

JW - Rock and roll deserves to fall down, and be kicked while it's still down..

AR - Yeah, exactly..

SM - And we gonna do the kickin'..

JW - We're gonna do the kicking..

AR - If Nickelback were to say... vanish from the face of the earth, all the better..

BM - "Strange accidents" that might occur....

TPS - There'd only be one problem with that, considering there's like, 4 bands that could just easily just take their place..

AR - yes, pretty much..

TPS - Just put a wig on the guy from Theory of a Deadman..

(this space fo the tape is filled with about 30 seconds of all of us just making... sounds. I can only assume that we were attempting to do the musical "drawl" that made Nickleback, not only a success, but also a genre. Then it leads into a discussion about the guy from Creed fighting Fred Durst, and me saying terrible things about fighting a modern day, Mohammed Ali... it was simply refered to as "bad". The the interview HAD to get back underway, as Sean had to hurry to play his second set of the evening with the Burdocks, or something...).

TPS - What do you guys think fo the current state of He-Man today?.

 DF - Man, I'm not impressed with the fuckin'....

SM - I like their older stuff better..

AR - I haven't seen it..

BM - Yeah, I haven't seen any of the new stuff..

TPS - Well original He-Man can't be beat, but the new stuff... compared to some of the new like, the new Ninja Turtles fuckin' blows..

SM - There's a new Ninja...fuck off, really?.

Bm - Yup..

SM - New Transformers is weak, new Voltron is fucking BRUTAL..

TPS - Yup..

SM - The computer animated..

TPS - man that show never shoulda got off the... have been... (I have no idea where I was going with that one...).

AR - But have you seen the "Justice League"?.

TPS - Ah the new Justice.. thats' not bad..

AR - That' pretty good. Its' done by the same people that did Batman..

SM - Oooh! Man, Batman was fuckin' classic!.

DF - I know, it was so well done, like, really stylin' like, good style..

TPS - That's my new picture on thePuddingStore. I'm represented by cartoon Batman now. JW - Nice..

(and now a discussion on Batman... it's amazing how frequently these interviews get sidetracked by pop-culture. I'd damn it, as I damn most things, but really... where would I be without it? Also, at this point in the interview, it brings me great pleasure to point out that Alfred was rockin' out to "I Drove All Night" - and lip-syncing. I think it's by Celine Dion, or someone equally terrible. Meanwhile, back at the interview, we actually started talking about He-Man again! Go figure!).

BM - I just wanna know, with those new He-Man characters, like, how could they walk? I mean, if people were really like that, those big abnormal shoulders....

TPS - Cuz he's the most powerful man in the universe!.

AR - He's got the power of Greyskull, alright? Does that answer yer question?.

DF - We actually had a discussion last week on, like, as much as people like the old He-Man - the characters were lame man..

TPS - Oh well the characters were... It was a terrible show..

AR - And really - He-man: Prince Adam?.

BM - They were pretty similar looking..

(at this point just look at the New He-Man vs. Old He-Man article, as that's pretty much what this discussion turns into. Go! Read it! After this though... but seriously read it.).

SM - Then he turns into a hulking brute next question..

TPS - Okay, now we're into the personal bests: How much have each of you drank in one given night? There's a drinking question..

 BM - I'm gonna bow gracefully out of this one. (oh Bryce and his non-drinking).

AR - Okay, there was a night where I was nominated, where I was deemed the most drunken man in Canada. Where I drank at least... 4... pitchers of beer, amongst lots of other stuff. Yeah..

DF - Um... I dunno man. I....

AR - And the night I was thrown into the drunk tank would be up there too..

TPS - That would do it, yeah..

AR - Yeah..

JW - This isn't really something I can accurately recount, but I.. I know I've had like... quart of Southern Comfort in a night. That's... that's probably near the top..

DF - I really don't know..

TPS - Bryce? Feel like throwing yer hat in?.

BM - I don't drink man... 2.. 2 coolers! That's the tops....

TPS - One time I had a Kool-Aide... it was sittin' in the sun for a while..

BM - Oh... man, I wouldn't touch that stuff..

TPS - Another personal best: how much have each of you rocked on one given night?.

 DF - Oh man....

AR - Last night. Last night was, I think, a pretty big high point in rocking..

DF - The first show I played with Spincycle was....

AR - Oh yeah, yeah! He like, creamed into me from like, one side of the stage - threw me into my amp....

DF - I think I tore the strings off my guitar as well..

AR - Yeah..

SM - I think a personal best for me was... 5 venues... uh... it was a 5-4-3-2-1, I can't remember the sequnce, but it was like, no, it was 5 sets with four bands at three venues? Or something like that? No....

(we then spent a few minutes working on the math of this evening of Sean's. It was at Gobblefest... the one that I missed. I hate you all. Anywho, eventually the 5-4-3-2-1 sequence ended up being: 5 sets, 4 bands, in 3 hours, 2 venues, 1 night. Neat. We make learning fun!).

BM - You didn't ask James how much he'd rocked..

TPS - Oh right.. how much have you rocked, oh no he said... lots..

JW - Yeah. About 15 tonnes..

TPS - And now, final personal best: as a result of personal best 1 and 2 - how much have one of you vomitted in one day?.

 BM - Alf?.

AR - Okay. Alright. So, actually, this actually goes back to what I think might have been the most drunken point where I drank for, I believe, at least 16 hours straight..

TPS - Jesus..

JW - Wow..

BM - You shouldn't be allowed to do that!.

SM - You drank here among that, didn't you? You came here with like, Joe Costello and drank beers....

AR - No no no. This was like back in Halifax. I then proceeded to puke for at least a good 3, 4 hours..

JW - #1 would have to be the time I woke up with my uh... boxers on, face down on my friend's bedroom floor... that's kind of a strange one..

SM - There was a New Years party I went to, where, and I had just... I had just the previous night discovered the past time of drinking straight rum....

DF, JW, AR - Ohh!.

SM - I was like, I drank a couple of shots of Smuggler's Cove Rum, like 1 or 2, like dark rum, and I was like, this isn't so bad. So the next night I got a pint of it, and now, Smuggler's Cove Rum is brewed in... uh... ______ Falls (I can't make out what he said) in Cape Breton, and uh... so I drank a pint of it, straight out of the bottle in under and hour, (a 'wowed whistle' from Alfred) and I was unconscious... I puked... I had puke on the back of my pant-leg, all over my back somehow....

TPS - You were spinning around or something...?

BM - What kind of weird yoga were you practicing to do that?.

SM - Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah totally..

TPS - You know it's bad when Alfred was like, 'you sick bastard.'.

AR - Yeah..

SM - And.. and my little brother caught my puke in his fuckin' bare hands cuz I guess cuz like I couldn't get into the washroom, cuz someone was in there. And, as of 4 o'clock the next afternoon, I was still puking fluorecent green goo..

BM - Eeeooo....

AR - Fuck..

TPS - That's... that's impressive..

DF - One time when I was a kid my sister thought it would be a funny idea to slip a piece of like, salami into my sandwich. And I like, got crazy like veritgo and shit like that and puked like... arrrghhhh!.

AR - Salami does it for ya, alright..

TPS - Okay, now two quick questions, and that's it....

AR - Okay..

TPS - Favorite kind of pudding?.

 JW - I'm gonna go with tapiocca..

TPS - Oh Jesus..

AR - I gotta say chocolate. I love the chocolate....

DF - There's this deadly chocolate marshmallow stuff that's happenin' like... that's fuckin' good shit..

SM - Yeah, I like that the chocolate-vanilla mixed shit, that's pretty good. Yeah, I'm into that..

BM - I gotta go with Dale on that chocolate-marshmallow shit. That... that's some good stuff..

TPS - Okay now, for the final question - the most thought provoking question, I gotta read this one to make sure I get it right: Who would win in a fight between Yoshi, of Super Mario World, and Casey, of 'Casey at Bat'?.

 DF - Well....

AR - Oh please! Yoshi would just go 'plllweh' (I guess that's the sound of his tongue)..

JW - Yeah, yeah I'd have to go with Yoshi..

SM - Boys... I think there's no joy in Mudville there..

AR - YEah, totally..

TPS - Boo..

DF - Boo..

BM - Well, if he wasn't fast enough to hit the pitch, how's he gonna be fast enough... .

TPS - Casey struck out that one time. We're talkin' before that... how he became "Mighty Casey". Casey in his prime..

AR - Oh... have you... have you seen Yoshi? I mean for god sakes!.

BM - Has he ever had a fastball coming at him that fast?.

AR - And besides, even if he hits the tongue, the tongue still has the bat. He's not gonna be able to hold on to the bat..

DF - He'd probably just eat it, just to piss him off. Then Mighty Casey would be furious! Yoshi'd fuckin' tear his head off then shit down his throat..

AR - Yeah..

TPS - Man... that was a much worse fight than I thought it was....

DF - That was brutal man..

BM - We enjoyed the thought of the pummeling though..

TPS - Yeah. I mean I thought, maybe - he's got the bat, crack him one, and then he'll get eaten. I mean, I figured he'd lose - I just figured he'd get a couple of shots in anyway... Anyone have any final words?.

JW - I would like to apologive to the proprietor of thePuddingStore.com, for uh... the physical assault..

AR - Yeah... we were... kind of excited abotu winning the prestigious title last night, and we went a bit overboard..

SM - Just want you to know, there's no hard feelings..

JW - It was an excellent pummeling..

TPS - I must say, I enjoyed the pummeling. I haven't had a pummeling like that in years..

AR - We... we pummel with love..

AR - And I'm sorry I humped your leg..

TPS - That that... that is something else... That I... I'm gonna send you my drycleaning bill..

DF - I'd also like to thank said proprietor for making it pretty interesting last night. It was awesome..

TPS - Jesus, this interview is going up 100%. Especially this last part..

BM - And the title of the article is gonna be, "The Spincycle Squared are the greatest band on the face of the planet.".

AR - Yeah. And remember, the challenge is out there. Any sketchy bands wanna challenge us for the title, bring 'er..

SM - Y'all ain't even sketchy, y'all ain't shit..

AR - Fuck all y'all!.

DF - This interview is over!!