Advent Calendars: Where’s My Big Chocolate?!

Back when I was younger, I would have an advent calendar, which would come with many different shaped chocolates, and it would be quite fun to see what delicious shape and picture would come out each day. Well,, maybe not “quite fun” but it was sorta fun. And then, on December 24, the big pay off would come in the form of a double-window which would contain a chocolate Santa at least twice the size of the regular everyday-chocolates. Advent calendar Santa made going to church that night that much more bearable.

But now - now the calendars have taken it down a notch. The first saddening part: each shape is exactly the same! It’s all damn squares (at least on all the ones I’ve had in recent years) with the regular picture just stamped onto it! What the hell is that all about?! Maybe it even equals more chocolate, but that’s not the point! The chocolate is usually fairly gross anyways. It’s the detail and artistry that goes into each piece that’s supposed to be there! There’s just no pride in the craft of carving little chocolates that will only be seen for 3 seconds anymore. No pride at all. What a sad day for the industry.

The second thing, which I consider more of an insult than a general wrong-doing is that the 24- double-window no longer exists! Sure, the window is often a tad bigger than the others, but that’s it. It’s still one window. What’s worse is the fact that the chocolate is still small! It looks even smaller than it normally would because the window around it is a bit bigger. And the final insult: for the past few years - it hasn’t been Santa! No Santa?! Has the world grown so cold and disillusioned that Santa no longer has a place in the advent calendar?! Sure, he’s on the picture on the front (sometimes) but that’s not in. There’s a reason the chocolates inside are what they are (or at least what they have etched on them): they are the standard holiday treasures. Santa is one of those things by far - beating out candy canes and Jesus by a mile. A Christmas mile. Like the Green Mile, but with a bit of red and white.

I haven’t yet opened my 24 window yet, as it’s only the 13th, but I will keep you posted. If it’s bigger and Santa, then my wishes have come true. If not, it’ll be another sad day where surely only an angel who shows me what the world would be like if there was an advent Santa, and it sucked. Thank you Clarence.