the Night Before Christmas...
Twas the night before Christmas and on MSN
No one had been on since quarter past 10.
I had enough of that, so I went to watch some TV
with the hopes of catching “Scrooged” starring Bill Murray.
I sat down on the couch with the TV guide
but all that was on was Leno and “Pimp My Ride.”
I was just about to get up, and just go to bed
but then I heard a noise that made me stop dead.
From the upstairs there arose such a clatter,
I ran straight up there to see what was the matter.
I was all excited, it would be Santa Claus!
But when I got up there, I was left with a pause.
Climbing in through the window, and now very Merry
was a tall guy named Marv and a short guy named Harry!
“Dang it,” I thought no longer on my own,
“My house has been struck by the cast of ‘Home Alone!’”
I was just about to hit them with my Christmas hammers,
but Harry stopped me saying, “Hey you in the Pyjammers!”
“Pyjammers?” I thought, was a very strange word,
“Is that really what he said? Is that really what I heard?”
But that was unimportant as Harry now had the floor,
He had something to say, and now he’d say more.
“We are no longer burglars” he said really quick,
“Now we are helpers of jolly ol’ Saint Nick.”
Well, what could I say? This was quite a twist
I put down my hammers and let go of Marv’s wrist.
They then told me of how they got this task,
though much of it was lost in Harry’s small flask.
Seems Santa was a pretty busy fella, you see,
so he asked a favour of the gods of TV.
He asked if he’d send some helpers for him,
from Christmas Specials, like the Grinch or Tiny Tim.
Actually, Tim wouldn’t get very much done,
cuz of that gimpy leg he can’t even run!
The TV gods complied - they threw Santa a bone,
which is why I was now talking to the guys from ‘Home Alone.’
I thought that was fine, so I went back to bed,
where visions of Megaman danced in my head.
I woke up the next morning to see what they’d left,
I just found a note that read, “Are you deft?
We don’t work for Santa, that’s a lie I just started,
that was all to easy, you must be retarded.
Thanks for the stuff though, it’s nothing you’ll miss.
Signed Harry and Marv - Merry Christmas!”
I looked up from the note and looked all around,
but none of my presents could be seen or found.
“Oh crap!” I said, “Oh my, and oh dear!
I can’t believe they got me, the same as last year!”
So, I just went outside to look for their tracks,
but since I found nothing, I just headed back.
And there on the front step, much to my surprise,
was a small present and had first not caught my eyes.
It was wrapped up so nicely, with ribbons and bows,
I had just realized I was out in my bed clothes.
So I took the gift inside, still feeling kinda bad,
But the tag had my name on it, so that’s pretty rad.
There was something written on it and therefore must be read!
And I’ll tell you now what that very note said:
“Dear James, Santa saw what those guys did to you.
That wasn’t nice, and was not at all cool,
But hopefully this small gift will make you feel better.”
I opened the box, but it was not a sweater,
It was a Gameboy SP - holy crap!
And I hadn’t even told Santa, or sat on his lap!
I went back to the note, as it came back into my sight,
“PS - Merry Christmas to all! My favorite gift was always Lite-Brite!”